It’s ok guys, we’re approaching the light at the end of the tunnel. This Sunday is Father’s Day, which marks the last Hallmark Holiday for a while. Once we get through this weekend, the remainder of the summer’s holidays are built off alcoholism and patriotism. None of them guilt you into buying anyone a card. But we still have to get through Father’s Day. I forgot it was this Sunday too, so I will be joining you buying a something off of this list of last-minute Father’s Day gift ideas.
A Firm Handshake
I’ll start with this. There is a good chance your dad won’t care what you get him for Father’s Day. If you go home and say, “Happy Father’s Day, Dad,” and give him the type of handshake you give in a job interview, he’ll be ok with it. Just make it clear this is his gift so he doesn’t have unreasonable expectations.
Baseball Tickets
Classic dad stuff. Get him tickets to watch a baseball game near you and go with him. It doesn’t matter whether it’s MLB, minor leagues, or an Oakland A’s game. Just throw a bunch of baseball buzzwords at him so he really gets in the spirit. Call it America’s past time and talk about how, “A beer at the ballpark tastes better.” This will send him to new levels of dad mode, so he will have a great time and probably pay for you to get drunk.
A Cameo of Someone You’ve Never Heard of
Cameo is kind of a ridiculous app in my opinion. It feels like an obvious cash grab for anyone remotely famous. Anyone even semi-relevant charges the price of a black-market liver for a thirty second video. Fortunately for you, the people your dad likes aren’t relevant anymore. Go to the fifth or sixth guy in the cast of one of his favorite 80s movies and search their name on Cameo. They need your twenty dollars to pay their rent, so this is basically charity. Your dad will be baffled that a guy that spoke a few lines with Bill Murray will be saying his name.
Rub and Tug Gift Certificate
I’m not sure if rub and tugs sell gift certificates. That doesn’t mean you can’t throw a hundred-dollar bill in a card and write down the address of the nearest rub and tug. You probably should mention to him that you don’t want to hear his review, because he’ll likely try to tell you. Your dad has been with his mom for a while. Or he hasn’t and he’s just a horned up middle-aged man. Either way, he’ll love this.
General Man Stuff
Get him a case of beer, some tools for his grill, or perhaps a new lawn mower. Odds are your dad is simple and you don’t have to overthink this if the rest of your list is too expensive or outlandish.
