TFM
Natty Light
Everyone’s first beer. Usually enjoyed lukewarm and while hiding it in your friends parents’ basement, Natty Lite is the official beer of “I’m not old enough to drink yet.”
Busch Light
You’re either broke or racist if you’re drinking Busch, sometimes both. When funds were low this past semester, Busch Light was there for me, but god dammit if its temperature isn’t just above freezing it will genuinely taste worse when you puke it up later that night. Still though, when you can get a 30-rack for $18 it’s pretty worth it.
Coors Light
Fuck Coors Light.
Bud Light
“Old reliable.” It’s by no means a great beer, but I still find myself buying it a good sixty percent of the time. It’s just mediocrity in a can in terms of beer, and that’s totally okay. You’ll never be let down, and you’ll never be surprised. If you do, however, pick up a case of Bud Light Lime, though, your taste buds will be forever grateful. Fucking delicious.
PBR
Not a huge fan of PBR, myself, but it’s certainly got its merits. I’m not going to talk about why I don’t like it because it’s not applicable to the masses. PBR and I have a mutual respect for one another, despite our inability to get along with each other.
Miller Light
If Bud Light is a regular Uber, then Miller light is UberX. It’s by no means a limo, but definitely a step-up. If you have a case of this in your fridge, your dad won’t call it “piss in a can,” and he might even crack one open with you.
Corona
Even with a lime, still overrated. I’m not saying I hate it, but I just don’t understand why people cum their jeans over it all day long. It’s a solid beer, but let’s stop acting like it’s the nectar of the gods or whatever.
Landshark
I feel like Landshark is pretty similar to Corona, except people aren’t constantly wrapping their mouths around its dick. Like I said, same tier as Corona, but I like it better because not everybody talks about how good it is all day long.
Heineken Light
Quality taste, but it’s like 3%. What the fuck is that about?
Michelob Ultra
I feel like people who drink this just get it to be different. It’s about the same quality as Bud Light in my opinion, but costs like a dollar more. Just doesn’t feel worth it – to me anyway.
IPAs
I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t love a good IPA – because I do. But c’mon, don’t be the guy who can’t even legally drink yet and won’t go for anything that isn’t “hazy enough.” Just don’t do it. No one likes that guy. Despite the fact that I crapped all over some of these beers, I’d still rather see my boy shotgunning a Coors than drinking an IPA on a Saturday night. Save that shit for later when it won’t make you look like an absolute cockhole.
