Mama Mia, We Have A Pizzeria Fight

I know that the fight of the week is supposed to be on Saturday, but I couldn’t contain myself with this fight. This is an A++++ fight; there are so many things to break down. We have a full-on brawl, weapons being used, and absolute chaos. I’ve watched this at least a dozen times.

This man got absolutely rocked by a punch and stumbled towards the oven. Instead of running back into the fight, he went for a weapon. What would be the weapon of choice for a pizzeria fight? Maybe it would be a pizza slicer, a spinning wheel that can slice with precision. If you’re a fat ass, you know that you can lick that pizza slicer clean with no fear of slicing your tongue. Nope, the first weapon of choice is the pizza paddle. That thing is wielded around like an ax. This man turned from a pizza maker to a god damn Viking. He looks like he’s chopping wood with that thing as he bounces it off the person’s body.

Next, we have the tips and cash register going flying off the counter. Somebody could have made out like a bandit with the tip barrel that probably had a saying on the lid saying college beer fund written on top. The cash register was being held on by a hair as it almost flew off the counter. Everybody was too busy whooping ass to care about what was happening with the cash register.

Suddenly, sauce man appears out of nowhere, wielding the big ass metal spoon like he’s Invisible Woman from Fantastic 4. That thing is swung around like Jon Snow’s blade in the Battle of The Bastards. Who knew that something that’s used to hold sauce could take a beating against human bones. He has the stamina of a teenager who has just jerked off for the 4th time in a day.

The worst part of the video isn’t the violence, the head trauma dealt by the pizza paddle, but the cameraman. He kept the video mostly steady, and it wasn’t a school fight, at least. A fight of this magnitude needs to be filmed to the very end. I want to see exactly what happens until the cop’s eventually come. Then to throw out the comment, “I’m still waiting on my pizza.” I wanted the staff to jump over the counter after beating up the waiting staff of a semi-casual restaurant with their matching black shirts and whoop their ass. Nobody cares that you paid $12 for your pizza. We have a brawl happening that would cost $50 on pay-per-view hosted by Thriller. There were more punches thrown in this fight than the entire Mayweather and Paul fight.

From looking at Reddit and Instagram comments it looks like these people were pissed that they were waiting on their slices. So you know the next logical thing is to charge the pizzeria and throw hands. First of all this is only going to make it longer, and you’re stepping into their world. They know that pizzeria like the back of their hand, they know where the pizza paddle is where the secret sauce spoon is hidden. Regardless this is the best fight that has been gifted to the internet in a while.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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