the godfather
If the world wasn’t afraid of the all-powerful Mark Zuckerberg already, they should be now. Since transitioning Facebook to Meta, Zuckerberg must have opened up quite a lot of free time for himself as he was seen not only participating in, but winning, a jiu-jitsu tournament over this past weekend. It’s hard to imagine that man doing anything athletic, but the photos and videos of his performance that have been spread across Twitter are pretty impressive. I don’t think we’ll be seeing Zuck in the ring with Conor McGregor anytime soon, but he probably would still do better in the UFC than CM Punk.
As weird as it is for us to see a video of Mark Zuckerberg competing in a jiu-jitsu tournament online, could you imagine being his opponent? Likely some random dude in his late twenties or early thirties, rolling around with Zuck was probably the last thing that the opponent was expecting when he showed up to the tournament. Simply crossing paths with Mark Zuckerberg at one of these tournaments would be enough of a jump scare for anybody, but to actually go head-to-head against him is the most fever-dream-like experience I could ever come up with. Honestly, I’d be terrified to try and submit him. If I won, would I be put on a secret hit-list and killed by some Metaverse AI robot thing? Win or lose, Zuckerberg’s opponent just walked away from that tournament with the greatest ice-breaker story of all time. Hopefully we will get to see some more Zuck film soon, but don’t be surprised if Meta turns his future matches into pay-per-view only.
