Matt Stafford Is F*cking Hammered

I think 95% of the country wanted the Bengals to win, but this is a pretty damn good consolation prize. After years of eroding his prime in a city Eminem couldn’t even save, Frat Stafford makes his comeback.

I love this new trend of QB’s getting supremely fucked up during the championship parades. We put these guys on a pedestal every damn day, we criticize them when they put on a little weight during the offseason, and we DM them when they drop what could’ve been the game-winning pass in our fantasy leagues; they deserve this. I may just excuse myself from this desk and pour up a few glasses of 1942 myself. He’s going to go home, not be able to get hard for his wife and place a $52.21 order on DoorDash. Celebrities, they’re just like us.

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