Maury Now Selling At-Home Paternity Tests

Have you ever wondered if your child is actually yours, but are too lazy to leave the house to find out? Well, you’re in luck because thanks to Maury Povich there is now an at-home paternity test!

Everyone knows Maury from his self-titled TV show where he would essentially figure out if estranged men were actually dads or if the mom was just a big ol’ slut. Unfortunately, after 31 years on the air, Maury officially came to an end in September of 2022. However, while no longer on set, Maury has not stopped solving custody battles as he is now selling at-home DNA tests.

Named after his popular catchphrase, Maury’s DNA test kit is called The Results Are In. The kit includes all of the materials needed to collect DNA from the child and potential father, also containing a shipping envelope to send the swabs to the same lab that Maury used on his show. Results come back in less than three business days and have an accuracy rate of 99.9%.

Maury believes that his at-home kit will help families all over stay connected and make sure both parents are included in the child’s life. “I’ve seen firsthand how DNA testing can change lives and bring families together. With The Results Are In, we’re making it easier and more affordable than ever before for people to get the answers they need” Maury said to TMZ.

I think this is a great idea. You know how many women lie about the true father just for child-support? I don’t, but I’ve seen it happen on Maury a bunch and then even once in Always Sunny, so it’s gotta be a pretty common problem. This is gonna help city boys everywhere. It’s kinda like the last defense after you missed the window for a Plan B and live in a state that hates unborn baby murder.

Maury is going to make a fortune off these DNA kits. If he wants to expand his target demographic, I highly suggest he looks into sponsorships. Personally, I think Nick Cannon and Future would be great investors.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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