My Eating Disorder

So I am back to 2 eggs a day. Last year, My friend Toby and I did a weight loss challenge. Whoever lost the most weight in the month of June won. The initial winner was supposed to shave the loser’s head, but we pussied out of that midway through the month. I won last year by losing 20 fucking pounds and it felt great. Not because I won, but because I had that “weight loss confidence”. I was feeling skinny and loving it. But it was hard. At the time, I was working at a liquor store where at least three times a week my boss would buy us pizza after our closing shift. It sucked sitting around a table with 3 other people housing slices and me trying to coast off the one egg I had 9 hours ago.

We are doing the same thing this year and I’ll be honest, I am probably going to lose. The day we did this weigh-in I had already started fasting and not eating shit, so when Toby said “hey we are doing the weigh-in now”, I panicked and ate as much as I could in the 40 minutes I had. I usually weigh around 180-182, but I clocked in at fucking 176 which means I need to go even harder this year.

I have already had my first puke of solely bile today. You know what bile is right? It’s the thing you puke when your body has literally nothing else to puke. It also hurts twice as hard as a regular puke. This is gonna suck but I will try to document as much as I can… starting now:

I might even have to cut down to 1 egg… I’ll keep y’all updated.

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Dear Women: Letter 4

You Never Know When A Flying Dildo Might Strike