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My Life as a Drug Dealer

I’m sure a lot of people have probably considered becoming some kind of drug dealer at one point or another – especially after watching a few seasons of Breaking Bad – but I am one of the few that can say that about four or so days a week, I dedicate my time to selling weed. If you’re wondering what it’s like, this might give you a good idea.

When I get up in the morning I hop in the shower and get myself nice and clean because I want to make sure I look presentable to everyone who is buying weed from me. Once I’m ready, I go out and get down to business. I had to learn a lot to become successful in selling weed. Everyone wants the best weed for what they’re ready to spend, but all weed is different. That’s why I make sure to keep my knowledge of the different strains I as good as I can get it – people won’t keep coming back if I stop selling them the right weed for them. It’s not just bud, though. I sell all kinds of things: carts, pods, tinctures, R.S.O., dabs, lotions, capsules and pills, suppositories – pretty much everything except for brownies and gummies and that kind of stuff. 

Interaction is huge, like I said, so I try to look as presentable as possible, but I also have to make sure that I’m friendly, too. I usually carry around a walkie-talkie in case someone needs to reach me, and I make sure that I’m only ever selling weed to one person at a time because more than that just doesn’t work. Typically, I can pull in about $800 every two weeks when everything is said and done, so the financial benefits are pretty nice. 

The best thing about selling weed, though? I never have to worry about the police or anything like that. I work at a medical marijuana dispensary, so it’s all totally legit. No laws ever being broken with a great salary. Did I make the title of this blog intentionally misleading? Yes. That’s because I wanted you to read it and think that I was cool for a little while. You probably said to yourself, “Wow. This kid deals drugs and he’s being open about it. He’s pretty cool and must get so many girls all the time.” If you weren’t thinking exactly that, I’m sure it was somewhere along those lines. But unfortunately, my moral compass is so strong that I had to tell the whole truth after only a few hundred words. I wasn’t lying with everything I said before, but I did omit the fact that I do all my drug dealing legally. For that, I am sorry. I hope you still think I’m cool and get a lot of girls because even though I’m not that cool and I don’t get that many girls, it’d be nice if people had that image of me.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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