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My Sunday as a College Bettor

11 AM:  Wake up. Positive vibes only. Made a parlay at an after-party last night. Five legger, Bills ML (lock), Bengals -5 (Lock), saints over panthers (not a lock but its time to eat a W), Eagles -6 (Lock), Chiefs -13.5 over Indianapolis (lock and a half bro Matt Ryan is not that guy). I look over the parlay and think I’m a genius, a god amongst man. I like it so much I throw more on chiefs as a separate leg, smiling as I’ve finally outsmarted Vegas. 

11:30 AM -12:45 PM: Knocking out home work, not gonna let a rhetorical criticism assignment bring my day down. Checking in on Jacksonville news to see if Herbert’s is in. The moment he gets cleared to play in putting last week’s paycheck on the Chargers. 

1:00: GAME TIME MOTHA FUCKA

1:07: How are the Chiefs losing? 

1:23: Bengals, Eagles, never a doubt. How are the Chiefs losing? 

1:45 I blame myself for betting on the Saints, this was my only fuck up of the day. 

2:36 Pm: Alright well if this parlay doesn’t hit I’m gonna dedicate my life to mastering Hebrew as a language.

3:04: Herbert is in. Thanks, Schefty. 30$ on Charger money line. Lock of the day. 

3:14 PM: The Chiefs can go fuck themselves. How are they not winning by 28 right now? At least Buffalo is handling business

3:36: Buffalo! You fucking cowards. The Dolphins are literally circling the wagons. Time to draw up a little 8 legger for the 4 PM games to break even. 

3:43: Didn’t know Hebrew goes from right to left instead of left to right…

3:54: If the Chiefs get two pick 6’s and a touchdown the morning slate cans till be positive.

4:02 :עברית היא שפה נהדרת שכולם צריכים ללמוד

4:54: Chargers bringing me back? 

5:18: המטענים יכולים להזדיין

6:00: I am going on a walk to clear my mind and soul

8:00: I’ve been thinking over the hour or so, I confided with my Hebrew tutor, Tom, and one thing has become clear, the over is hitting in this SNF game. Jimmy G made a Super Bowl and it’s time to let Russ cook. $50 on it to make up the losses for the day. 

8:57: I texted Tom “what the fuck?!” and he kicked me out of the class. I’m disappointed but I’m also surprised as I thought we were really starting to make progress. 

9:23: MNF is always on over game. Tomorrow we gain what we lost today.

What do you think?

Written by tfmdirtymike

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