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NCAA is Finally Open to Athletes Smoking Weed

The NCAA has recommended dropping marijuana from the list of banned drugs for its athletes. Although all three divisions still need to be pass it individually, this is a big day for college athletics. It’s obviously nice for athletes, who are getting closer and closer to the lives portrayed in Blue Mountain State. These guys have NIL deals worth more than the salary of any of their professors. And now they can’t be stopped from using it to buy gross amounts of weed. What can’t these guys do?

I think this news is just as good for the fans. More talent than ever will be in college sports The choice between pursuing THC and athletics in college gives some top tier athletes a dilemma on par with that in Sophie’s Choice when leaving high school, and fortunately this is no longer the case.

I was one of these people who was forced to make this tough decision in the middle of my senior year. In high school, I was a dual sport athlete. I was a member of the track team while simultaneously holding down a captain’s position in the school’s starting blunt rotation. This left me deciding if I was willing to submit myself to random drug testing in college. But I thought to myself, if Deion Sanders could manage playing both sports, so could I.

This worked out well as I began participating in Division III track. I was one of three members of the throwing team, and I still played intramural cart rips in my dorm room. My captain informed me, that only one member of the team is drug tested each semester With those odds there was nothing to worry about. Until one day when I was received an email that I was the one person. 

I put on as many layers of clothes as I could find. I had at least five shirts, three sweatshirts, and three pairs of sweatpants on. On the way to CVS for a home drug test, I was pounding water. I failed that test with flying colors. To flush my system, I sat on a stationary bike for the duration of both classes I should’ve attended. My final total was just above twelve miles. By the end, I was sweating through every single item of clothing I had. The sickness I made up to my professors was becoming truthful. 

The next morning, I woke up at six in the morning. In the urinal at our school’s locker room, a seventy-year-old man had a good enough view of my morning piss to identify the freckle on the base of my penis. After all that was over, I still had to wait two weeks to hear about my results. You won’t believe the amount I smoked to deal with that stress.

I ended up passing that drug test by some combination of grit and a miracle. I’m happy that no one is else will ever have to share my misery just so they can get high enough to convince themselves Idiocracy is a good movie. A college athlete who misses a game winning field goal on national tv the day after taking a Calculus exam deserves a few puffs. And so do I. Even if I have more in common athletically with a toddler than I do with an average MLB first baseman. 

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Written by TFM

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