Defensive End: Nick Bosa, San Francisco 49ers
Nick Bosa gets after the quarterback. He also gets after every beer or joint in a ten mile radius of him. He’s one of those guys who seems to live his whole life based on what is the most fun option at any given point. He probably didn’t know how much money he would make in the NFL, but instead just really liked playing football.
Defensive Tackle: Quinnen Williams, New York Jets
This dude is pure fun. Every good fraternity has someone like Quinnen Williams who is the main event at every social function because he is a natural entertainer. He also seems like he drinks three margaritas and gets hilariously drunk for a man of his size.
Defensive Tackle: Christian Wilkins, Miami Dolphins
This is a frat star if I’ve ever seen one. I’m glad he’s already a successful NFL player, because he seems like someone who’s many talents would go to waste being shown off in a frat basement in a cheap attempt to get laid. He definitely still did that, but he also excels at stuffing the run.
Defensive End: Joey Bosa, San Diego Chargers
Nick Bosa seems like he had to hear, “Are you Joey’s brother?” a lot at Ohio State. Not because of Joey’s football skills, because his is the type of guy to get a reputation for getting way too drunk at a pre-game and breaking his hand punching the wrong part of the wall. The Bosa brothers are equally frat, but in their own ways.
Linebacker: Will Compton, Free Agent
I don’t care when the last time he put on an NFL uniform was. As long as he is legally a free agent, this is as easy a decision as there is.
Linebacker: Patrick Queen, Baltimore Ravens
Patrick Queen went to LSU and ped on the most dominant college football team ever assembled. He basically makes this list through his Joe Burrow association alone.
Linebacker: Malcolm Rodriguez, Detroit Lions
Go watch last season of Hard Knocks if you don’t believe me. As much as he tries to be the calm, down-to-earth guy, he’s an animal waiting to let out his energy as soon as a slow bartender or shifty running back approaches.
Cornerback 1: Eli Apple, Cincinnati Bengals
This guy feels like the drug dealer in any frat that is threatening to fight everyone and is always talking about how they have the best stuff in the area. In reality, they are in the frat because they needed a body that semester.
Cornerback 2: Marshon Lattimore, New Orleans Saints
Refer to Eli Apple’s description.
Free Safety: Jordan Poyer, Buffalo Bills
Do you know who Rachel Bush is? She’s like the girl on your college campus who you are in love with from afar. Jordan Poyer married her. That makes him good in my book.
Strong Safety: Tyrann Mathieu, New Orleans Saints
He was pretty famously suspended from LSU for his drug use. Since then, he has become a great player, who still plays with the energy of someone looking for a bid. Great player, easy bid.
