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Normalize Drinking By Yourself

Have you ever drank alone? Have you ever pounded a few shots while watching Always Sunny for the 7th time? Well, I have. I drink alone pretty frequently. About 5-6 times a month. I like to get fucked up all by myself. You are probably thinking that’s just sad, but I disagree. Let’s talk about why it universally viewed as sad to drink alone. 

I guess the general argument is that if you are drinking alone, then you are sad. I don’t think that is true. People who drink alone AND sad are pussies I agree. People that want to drown out feelings with alcohol are pussies. That’s pussy shit. That is a big piece of pussy shit. Just like the people who cry whenever that one Dua Lipa song comes on. Shove your feelings down. Never show emotion. Any emotion besides happiness is weak. These people that are drinking alone and are sad are pathetic I agree, so by that logic, if I was drinking alone AND NOT SAD then what’s the problem? Why is it so weird to drink alone? You’ve never heard of the white girl that has the Sunday to herself, so she grabs a bottle of chardonnay, and watches Grey’s Anatomy? That doesn’t sound sad to me, but she’s drinking alone so that’s just sad. What about the dad that comes home from work, grabs a 6 pack, sits down on his couch, and watches the game? That doesn’t sound sad to me but he’s drinking alone so that’s just sad. Let’s just say I’m hanging out with a person and they are not drinking. If I just start throwing Tequila down my throat that’s perfectly fine because there’s another person near me. 

Let’s talk about the argument that’s just sad. Every single person I have ever told that I sometimes drink alone has responded the same way, that’s just sad. That’s not a good argument but It beats me because anything I say after sounds childish. No, it’s not sad. See what you did, you slut, you made us kids. All your stupid mind could come up with brought us to the kid’s section. We are now in the ball pit of AIDS at Mcdonalds because you don’t know how to speak. That’s the best you got?. That’s just sad. That’s your brain working at 100% capacity? I thought we were better than this. I thought I was going to have a conversation with a normal person today, but here I am, trying to convince a little kid that drinking some screwdrivers while playing video games is perfectly fine. 

You sound childish. That’s your vocabulary? That’s the furthest your tongue can go down on the dictionary? Were you in elementary school with a teacher saying “now kids what do we say when we don’t have a good argument because the topic is outside the norm and we just want to be like everyone else 1984 style? That’s just sad.” Come up with an actual productive thing to say to the conversation because it’s not like these people say that’s just sad and then walk away. I would love it if they did that because then I would know, there goes a person I’m never talking to again. Instead, you just sit there, waiting for me to say something while also thinking to yourself I totally nailed it. I can’t respond to that. Let me clarify. I CAN respond to that, but anything I say would just be proving the point of drinking alone being sad. Because you just established how simple-minded you are, so me trying to explain with sentences that have more than 5 words would be impossible for you to understand.

When I drink alone I am never sad. Haven’t you ever hung out with friends for too many days in a row? Sometimes it’s nice to just take a night off and see how your shitty personality is doing. It’s always fun when I get to be a loser by myself and catch up with the introvert that’s been shaking in the corner of my mind for the past 3 days because I was around people. I think people who think it’s sad are the people that are scared to be alone in the first place. They are always texting someone but, more importantly, someone always has to be texting them. You can’t just turn your phone off, watch some Netflix, and get fucked up all by yourself? Why are you so scared of being alone? I guess if YOU drink alone then YOU are going to be sad. You’re scared to be alone. That’s just sad.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

One Comment

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  1. Your Twitch streams should be normalized! They should hype them up. Give you something to do, something to work with. At least send them your invoice for funds spent! Then should reimburse your for all that chaser! Haha I’m gonna put that on Facebook!

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