NYC Has New Drug Vending Machines And Crackheads Are Loving It

New York City now has drug vending machines.

While the dispensers don’t actually contain hard drugs, they do giveaway free drug paraphernalia to anyone who inputs their NYC zip code. The inception of the machines comes as an attempt to clean up the city and limit the health risks that drug users face on a daily basis. 

Basically, the machines hold things like fentanyl test strips, crack pipes, heroin needles, and condoms, or anything else that can help lower the passing of diseases throughout the drug community (apparently drug users get high and have a bunch of rowdy sex).

While the machines are planned to be dispersed through all of NYC, there is currently only one that opened up a couple days ago in Brooklyn. In less than 24 hours, the machine was completely empty.

The addition of the public health machine has stirred up some controversy among the Brooklyn natives. Much of the non-drug using community has spoken out about the machines saying that the NYC government is better off putting money towards rehabilitation centers and social services versus giving out free crack pipes which essentially “encourage” drug use.

Crackheads on the other hand are loving it.

Reporters from The New York Post actually went into Brooklyn to visit the machines and get opinions from the public surrounding the new installations, and boy are the quotes hilarious. One woman interviewed was a “self-described crack user” who had “six children and nine grandchildren.” She was 56 years old and absolutely adored the new machines. Probably on crack during the interview, the woman said “I’m trying to get high, not die,” before reportedly “dancing down the street.” The same woman however did have some criticism for the local government. “The crack pipes are a little too thin,” said the woman, “it was burning my lips. I was like, ‘Hell, no! I like my lips too much for this.’”

Another positive opinion was reported by The New York Post when the crew was apparently passed by a man on a bicycle who simply shouted “yeah” with a thumbs up. That man was most definitely on crack, props to him for being able to still ride that bike.

Overall, it seems like the crack community is absolutely loving all of their new toys. While the general public may not be quite pleased with how their taxes are being used, I do believe this will help curb disease spreading. As for lowering overdoses, I am not as confident. The machines being free, offering pipes and fentanyl test strips, as well as Narcan the OD-reversal kit, does make it seem like the government is kinda doing all the work. I mean all you would need to do at that point is buy the crack. Seems a little too easy for my liking.

Anyway, if you’re in New York City and love crack I hope this blog reaches you. If you are normal and not on any hard drugs (emphasis on hard, everyone should be on soft drugs), you can still go ahead and grab yourself a free condom.

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Written by Alex Becker

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