Packin’ Dips And Rippin’ Lips Season Is Here And Here’s How To Not Look Like An Idiot

You’re finally home from college, and you’re now dealing with the stupidity that comes with living with your parents again. Your dad is telling you that you need to get a job, your mom keeps asking questions about college, and you don’t want to tell her about the half dozen of sleazy chicks that you’ve hooked up with. You’re back to living in the middle of nowhere, your stomach is craving that 3 am explosion from diarrhea, and there’s no Taco Bell within an hour. The people you graduated with who never went to college are now married with kids, and you don’t understand how they can take care of another human being when you’re on the struggle bus every day. Grinding against random girls in a bar is now replaced with listening to your sister replaying Taylor Swifts for endless hours. There’s nothing to do except scroll on Instagram and Tik Tok and remember how much fun you had at college, and now there’s an endless amount of days of doing nothing.

After a couple of days, your old friends from high school who never left find out that you’re back from college and hit you up. Instead of sitting in your room staring at the old posters that scatter your room, you decide fuck it let’s hang out with them; how bad can they be. The first couple of seconds you see them, it’s awkward, and you talk about how different your lives are. Then after a couple of seconds, you try and figure out what to do, and you realize there are only two things to do. Pack dips, drink beer and go fishing. You haven’t fished in forever, and you don’t want to look like an idiot, so before you go, read this, and I’ll help you.

The first thing you need to do is buy this hat. This is a stupid old saying that my friend and I have said for years. If you’ve enjoyed reading my random blogs I would love you if you bought one of these.

The second thing you need to do is remember how to cast. I doubt your old buddies have a damn push-button reel, so you’ll need a spinning reel. Now, if you’ve never used one of these, all you need to do is open up the spool by flipping up the little bar, grab the line with one hand, use your wrists to bring the rod back, and then as soon as you have it about your head let go of the line. Don’t be a dumbass and let go of both hands. I’ve seen people do that and have their rods go flying in the water. Once the line is in the water, flip the little bar, and reel a little forward, and congrats, you just made a cast.

Now to actually catch fish, use whatever your buddies are using. If they are using lures, use lures; if they are using worms, use worms. For almost all lures, all you have to do is reel and pause. It’s almost all of the same, from topwater frogs, jerk baits, crankbaits, and jigs. They pretend to be a wounded bait, and when you pause the lure, the fish thinks the baitfish is dead, and that’s when they will attack. If you are using either live or plastic worms, all you need to do is cast it out there, make sure your rod tip is high so your bait isn’t chilling on the bottom, and move your rod a little bit to make your worm look a little more alive.

If you’re lucky enough to get a bite, as soon as you feel that bite, pull towards you. Make sure your rod tip is down or else you won’t get enough leverage, and pull up to set the hook, and then real the fish in.

Nobody likes the person who refuses to take the fish off their hook. With largemouth and smallmouth bass, there’s nothing you have to worry about; their teeth aren’t sharp enough to cause damage. If you catch rock bass, their fins on their back get sharp when they stiffen; pike have razor-sharp teeth, so when you get ready for that IG picture, do not put your fingers in their mouth and try to hold it by their mouth. Instead, put your hands up their gills, and you can take the perfect picture for your IG. With Sunfish or Bluegill, they have nothing to worry about, and with either bullheads or catfish, their whiskers are sharp as shit. Then they also have razor-sharp spikes on the bottom of their bellies.

Congrats, you just caught some fish, didn’t look like a dumbass, and maybe befriended with some old buddies who will make your summer less shitty. You know what would look great on your old buddies who love to fish and pack huge dips… this hat.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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