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Penn State Professor Fired for Banging his Dog

Penn State needs to have a seminar about where you can and can’t put your penis with their employees. The Sandusky situation was a terrible look for the school, and somehow Micah Parsons’ story got swept under the rug at Penn State. But, the most recent person to join their Nittany Lions Society of Diddlers was professor Themis Matsoukas. Matsoukas brought his dog out to a trail near campus and performed sexual acts to it. His defense was that it was to, “Blow off steam.” 

I’m not afraid to be the first person to say, this is a really bad way to blow off steam. I’m sure teaching isn’t easy. I know a lot of Penn State students and from what I hear, they use their books to as a surface to cut lines of white powder more than they do for studying. I’m also sympathetic of the fact that this guy has taught chemical engineering for the last thirty-one years. I think a better use of time would be trying to teach your grandfather what LGBTQ stands for and means. Still, picking a boring life doesn’t give you the right to bang your dog. This guy is a certified piece of shit.

Thank god that they captured this on video and not in person. Imagine some Karen hiking through the park doing the standard white person head nod to everyone she passes, until she comes across this guy, balls deep in a border collie. That image burns into your head faster than any one shot from “Two Girls One Cup” ever will. I still feel bad for the person who curiously watched him drop his pants the first time the footage was seen. That has to be at the top of the list for unexpected things for a park ranger to see. 

I’m glad authorities captured this monster. Maybe someone will put him on a leash in prison.

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Written by TFM

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