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People Who Complain About Having An 8 am

Here’s a message to anyone who has ever complained about an 8 am college class: 

No one gives a shit about you! Fuck these people. They think they are so special just because they have an 8 am class. It’s as if the world revolves around them and their inability to pick a later class. I think that they do it on purpose too. I think these 8 am fucks purposefully pick an 8 am so they can complain to us regulars and get our pity. This is all they have in life. They had strict parents that would make them wake up early so now that’s how they live their lives. They expect us to feel sorry for them when, in reality, we don’t. I can understand if you are a freshman and have one because you didn’t get to pick your schedule, but form sophomore year and on, fuck you.

I never had a class earlier than 11 am from sophomore year on. Why? Because I’m not an idiot. I had one 8 am freshman year and hated every second of it so I took care of it by knowing how and when to register for classes. If a class I wanted to take was only available at 8 am, I wouldn’t take it. Taking a class I THOUGHT I would like at 8 am is so much worse than a class I could just take at 11 am. An 11 am class will always beat an 8 am no matter what the class. If they had “Literally Just Have Sex” at 8 or “Write A 2 Page Paper Every So Often” at 11, I’m taking the paper one because not even sex is worth waking up early for. Also, past freshman year, I never had a class on Friday. I had 3 day weekends every fucking weekend because I make the goddamn rules of my enjoyment. I’m not letting some class control how I live my life. Granted I wasn’t that great of a student, but fuck you I’m me.

Fuck getting up early. I know people that get up early just so they can brag about it. They think of getting up early as if they just ran a 5k or helped someone move out. My roommate would always make a comment whenever I got up each day. Oh your just getting up? Dude you know it’s like 12. Yea this 8 am I have is brutal. I woke up at like 7:30 and said “more like snooze o’clock” You know what I mean? Oh, that’s right you don’t have any 8 ams. You’re so lucky I wish I could just take whatever I wanted. Fuck that I’m waking up at 12 because I’m not a pussy that can’t make a schedule. You want people to feel bad for you, otherwise, you wouldn’t bring it up. I’ll admit there were days where I still felt tired going to my 11 because of the night before, but I’m not about to complain about that. People would fucking kill me and rightfully so, but that feeling that you just felt hearing me say that even 11 is a little early is the same feeling I feel for these 8 am fucks. Take some later classes or admit you suck and just shut the fuck up.

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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