As I mentioned in a previous blog, recently, I’ve been down in Peru. I’ve been doing Peruvian things. One thing that I’ve been doing is testing out Tinder and my own capabilities to flirt in Español. Now, a lesser man would lie here, boasting of the many Latina “mamis” that he’s getting through his successes on Tinder, but I’m above all that. I’ve been trying out different lines left and right, and I’ll now share the results of each message.
My Initial Message: “Hola, ¿qué tal?”
Translation: “Hey, what’s up?”
Her Response: N/A
Translation: “Go fuck yourself, gringo. I don’t want to talk to you.”
Review: Played this one too safe. The culture is different down here, and I bet the other guys she’s matching with are being way more direct. Next time, I have to be more ballsy on the initial message to make it clear that I mean bidniz.
My Initial Message: “Hola, ¿quieres hacer algo conmigo esta noche?”
Translation: “Hi, do you wanna do something with me tonight?”
Her Response: “Jajaja. No.”
Translation: “Hahaha. You stupid American. Did you really think that would work? I hope you die.”
Review: I was more direct this time. Still no success. I think that the problem is that I’m being direct and not with any kind of charm. Next time, I’ll be direct, and I’ll try and be a little bit more flirty, a little bit more fun with these messages.
Her Initial Message (That’s right. She messaged me first.): “Holaaaa qué tal”
Translation: “Heyyyyy what’s up”
My Response: “Nada. Pienso que tú eres gorda… es broma. Eres bonita. Quieres salir conmigo?”
Translation: “Nothing. I think you’re fat… jk. You’re hot. Wanna go out with me?”
Her Response: N/A
Review: Maybe some kind of language barrier here. Thought this was hilarious, but I guess she disagreed? Maybe she just didn’t have a great sense of humor. Next time I’ll ditch the funny aspect and go for more of a sexy, insinuation-type beat.
My Initial Message: “Hola, chica. Estoy caliente, y pienos que puedes ser la solución. Debemos salir juntos para que puedas tragar mis cargas.”
Translation: “Hey, girl. I’m horny, and I think you could be the solution. We should go out together so that you can swallow my loads.”
Her Response: “Hijo de puta. Jodate.”
Translation: “Asshole. Go fuck yourself.”
Review: May have come on a little strong here. Possibly. Either that or she just wasn’t understanding that I was trying to flirt. Could be a combination of both – bit of a half my fault/half hers situation? Whatever. I’ll dial it back next time.
My Initial Message: “Hola, soy de EEUU, que haces para divertirte in Lima?”
Translation: “Hi, I’m from America, what do you do for fun in Lima?”
Her Response: “Holaaaa! Voy a una restaurante o voy a una fiesta!! Y tú??”
Translation: “Hiiiii! I go to restaurants or to parties! How about you??”
My Second Message: “Me gusta jodir chicas con mi pito pequeño.”
Translation: “I like to fuck girls with my little dick.”
Her Second Response: “Adios.”
Translation: “Wow. You are so hot. Let’s get together and have sex with each other. You can be my American papí.
Review: Finally, a success. I managed to find the perfect balance between funny, direct, and insinuative and now I’ll be able to hook up with tons of girls in Lima, whenever I want.