Please stop using social media to sell me clothes from your closet

Nothing says, “I need some cash, right now” better than seeing someone advertising and attempting to sell some of their used clothes on social media. The need for a quick cash grab could source from anything: gambling losses, wanting last minute spring break funds, or finally hearing your dad lay down the law and excommunicating you from being on his credit card.

It’s always someone who is in an immediate pickle. I’m not talking about someone who is really struggling. Selling your clothes to make money solves a very first-world financial problem. I say this because in order to sell used clothing, you (by definition) have a plethora of clothing to give out. This is something your fraternity brother would do in the middle of March right before a big weekend in Miami.

You’ll see it all the time. Just the typical, “I was going through some old clothes and I just have too much! Like oh my god, I don’t need all this clothing! So I figured that I’d sell some.”  

Guys and gals are guilty of this. Here’s why I say guilty.

First of all, if you really were in a giving mood like you say you are, you wouldn’t advertise your clothes and auction them off to the highest bidder. You’d put them in a box and donate them to some sort of nonprofit. 

No sane and emotionally stable person has ever said, “Man I really felt generous today, so I decided to strike a profit for personal gain.” 

That’s just something a psychopath would say. Or a moron. Either way, you’re not in good company if you’ve said or thought of a sentence like this.

Second of all, it’s not like you’re selling some of your favorite gear. You’re selling the orphans. You’re going deep into the closet, grabbing something you forgot even existed, and now displaying it like a new car on the dealership lot. My favorite is when you can still see the wrinkles on the advertised clothing, as it was, quite literally, just found after spending an entire winter completely wrapped up in a ball and shoved in the corner of your dresser. 

“Here, buy my used plain gray t-shirt with a visible ketchup and semen stain in the lower right hand corner. You know what, I’ll cut you a deal: I’ll give it to you for 20 bucks.”

I’m telling you, people really pull this shit off.

Lastly, the people that routinely sell their clothes on social media are the people who will do anything to not get a real job. They would rather sort through their dirty laundry basket and sell some of the most hideous items before they join the workforce and, god forbid, get a weekly paycheck. 

Stop clogging my feed with pictures of your shitty clothes laid out on the floor. Get a real job, you lazy fuck.

Written by Henry Marken

I lost my pinky finger at age 4, but then found it again at a soup kitchen when I was 15. Survivor of a wild turkey attack (2008). I went to the University of Phoenix before it was cool to do college online. Currently in a lawsuit with Crayola after a devastating purple crayon incident.

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