the godfather
At the beginning of your experience as a pledge, you will likely be assigned a “pledge job”. Some of these jobs are simply given out for comedic-yet-degrading purposes, but other jobs just flat-out suck. Typically, you’ll have no say in what pledge job you receive, but on the off chance that you do, I figured that a job ranking might be helpful. So, without further ado, here are the top and bottom three pledge jobs (choose wisely):
The Best of the Best
Minecraft Pledge
If you didn’t have a Minecraft phase growing up, did you really even have a childhood? No matter your hobbies, passions, or sexual orientation, Minecraft is an incredibly loveable and peaceful game that will provide you with the happiness that your current life might lack. The Minecraft pledge job is simple; Beat the game on hard mode before pledgeship ends. This job definitely isn’t as easy as it sounds – and might even include a sleepless night or two – but how awful could sitting on a couch and grinding Minecraft truly be? Throw on some classic PewDiePie Minecraft videos and you have all the tools necessary to slay the Ender Dragon. If you have the choice, the Minecraft pledge job is a lock.
Poop Pledge
Everybody poops – except girls – so being the “Poop Pledge” will barely change your everyday life. You might be asking yourself, “What is the Poop Pledge?”. Well, to fulfill your duties as the “Poop Pledge”, one must document themselves blowing mud in every building on campus by the time pledging is over. If you attend a small college, this job should be a walk in the park, but an SEC or Big Ten school is a different story. Sure, the 87 buildings you have to poop in over a couple of months span might be intimidating, but just look at it as a grand adventure. Not to mention, you’ll be incredibly regular and know your campus like the back of your hand. Sounds like a win to me!
Porn Pledge
It takes a special kind of person to take on the “Porn Pledge” job, but it really isn’t all that bad. All you have to do is give a daily Dave Portnoy-esque review on a video of your choice. Although the “suggestions” from brothers will lead you to witness some of the most unholy and grotesque acts of intimacy ever caught on camera, this job is probably one of the least labor-intensive out there. Just stay away from the weird shit for as long as possible.
The Worst of the Worst
Laundry Pledge
If you are chosen to be the “Laundry Pledge”, bless your soul. Doing your own laundry in college blows, let alone the clothes of the fifth-year “frat star” with a hearty musk of warm Natural Light, Axe body spray, and puke. For however long your pledgeship lasts, you will likely spend more time doing laundry than doing school work. Best be sure not to lose or damage any clothes either, otherwise a yummy red solo cup concoction will be heading your way soon after.
DoorDash Pledge
Any pledge with a car automatically qualifies for the “DoorDash Pledge” job. As you could probably guess from the name, your job as the “DoorDash Pledge” will involve driving all over campus at any point in the day to pick up food for brothers. But, the act of picking up the food isn’t even the worst part of this job; it’s the money. There isn’t a stingier person in the world than a brother off the broccoli that really needed McDonald’s at 3:00 am. With the amount you’ll end up losing in cash spent on food and gas, you might need to consider taking out a loan.
Weather Pledge
When you initially hear “Weather Pledge”, it’s easy to assume that the job wouldn’t be too challenging, but it’s indubitably one of the most unbearable pledge jobs ever created. During pledgeship, you’ll be lucky to be asleep before 2:00 am every night, which really starts to suck when you have to send in a weather report video before 8:00 am on a daily basis. There truly is no winning with this job either. If you don’t accurately report the weather, you’re screwed. If you do accurately report the weather, brothers will blame you for not making it eighty degrees and sunny. While it’s probably still preferable to the “DoorDash” or “Laundry” pledge, the “Weather Pledge” is still one to avoid at all costs.
