the godfather
Batman and Robin. Spongebob and Patrick. Pledges and their pledge packs. What do all of these iconic duos have in common? They are inseparable (especially the last example). For any pledge who may stumble upon this survival guide, I suggest you glue that fanny pack filled with darts and gum pillows to your hip, unless you want to spend a night in the cage. Even if you’re walking to class, have that bad boy at the ready. Trust me. You might attend a university with tens of thousands of students, but pledges just seem to generate some sort of gravitational pull that sucks in nic-fiending brothers. If you want to err on the side of caution, you might consider strapping the likely-neon fanny pack across your waist at all times. Sure, you might get some funny looks now and then, but at least you’re not the “Heely pledge”.
Ideally, your pledge master will lay out the required materials for your pledge pack. But, if you’re not so lucky, here’s a solid list of what you should have in your pack at all times:
Two Vapes
I won’t lie, the number of vapes you will get stolen from you during pledgeship could be considered a war crime. So, I recommend buying a pair of the cheapest possible vapes that you can find so no one will steal them, let alone want to rip them.
Zyns
Would it really be a true pledge pack without a little Monica Lazynski action? These are absolutely essential for your pack as they will most likely be your second most requested item behind the vapes. If you’re worried about your bank account, I wouldn’t recommend getting addicted to these things.
Smelling Salts
Beats me why anyone would want to stick these things under their nose, but you will soon find out that nothing about pledgeship will ever make sense. I recommend Atomic Rhino if you care about quality.
Condoms
If you don’t have to deliver condoms to a brother at least once during pledgeship, you probably didn’t actually pledge. Always stay strapped my friend (carry different sizes for extra brownie points).
Marlboro Reds
While absolutely vile, you’ll likely come across some brothers that aren’t quite satisfied with your grape-soda-flavored Breeze. That’s where the darts come into play. I pray you never become an “Ashtray pledge”, but if so, we thank you for your service.
Lighters, Snacks, Advil, Etc.
If you want to go above and beyond, carry some solid snacks, Advil, and maybe even some die. If you aren’t exactly an overachiever, that’s just fine, but for your sake, do not forget a lighter. As a pledge, lighting should be considered a form of art. Get good at it (really good). You’ll end up using these lighters in ways you never thought possible.
I hope this guide will help at least one innocent pledge in the future. Your relationship with your pledge pack will go through its ups and downs, but in the end, you two are in it together (at least until your pack and all its insides are inevitably stolen).
