the godfather
To get your driver’s license, it’s often a requirement to log a certain number of driving hours to ensure you’ve practiced enough by the time you take the driver’s test. For a vast majority of people, the mandated hours were somewhat overkill, so I would imagine it’s not that uncommon for these “driving logs” to be mostly forged. But, when you become a pledge, you’ll undoubtedly make up for these lost hours – and then some – whether you like it or not. However, “pledge rides” aren’t just a monotonous chore, they are an art. Here are some tips and tricks to make your pledge rides as close to an Uber Black as possible:
Have an Aux Playbook at the Ready
I’m not gonna front, pledge driving shifts are long and usually go late into the night. Having solid music at the ready is a must. Sure, it’s not that hard to make a couple of playlists, but reading the back seat is where it gets murky. As soon as that car door opens, you should be able to tell whether the girls you’re driving are going to want some charming Morgan Wallen or some certified hood classics. The good thing is that there usually is no in-between, so you’ve got a fifty-fifty shot of nailing the aux and making an already-uncomfortable ride a little less awkward.
Understand the Car You’re Driving
Unless you brought your own car to campus (lucky you!), you will likely be borrowing a brother’s car for your shift. Before you start giving out pledge rides for the rest of the night, make sure to familiarize yourself with the layout of the car. Greek Row isn’t exactly the most peaceful place to be on the weekend, so being comfortable with the car you’re driving will make your night a whole lot easier and safer. God forbid you crash a brother’s car – you might end up in the cage for an entire week.
Master the Pawn-Off Maneuver
During pledgeship, you’ll often hear “Don’t fuck your brothers” from every kid in your house. While I believe this motto carries some value and teaches us all to put others before ourselves, this is completely off the table when it comes to pledge rides. There will inevitably be times when you are driving eleven obnoxiously drunk sorority girls in a 2008 Honda Civic and you get four consecutive calls asking for rides. When you’re giving out pledge rides, remember that you’re only one person. There’s no need to be a super pledge. This is where the “pawn-off” maneuver comes especially in handy. The classic “Sorry, I’m really backed up right now” or simply “I think [insert other pledge driver name here] is free” will do wonders for your mental health. Don’t feel guilty. Uber, Lyft, and even this magical thing called walking are perfectly viable options for many people on any given night.
I hope this advice will provide some valuable insight into the nuances of pledge rides. Although they suck, by the time you’re finished pledging you will know your campus like the back of your hand. Hey, you might even get a couple of Snapchats out of it if you’re lucky (or just driving a really nice car).
