Productivity of the College Male: The Plan vs. Reality

Smiling male student working in a library

The Morning

The Plan

You’ve set your alarm for about ninety minutes before you need to be in class. This gives you an hour to get work done, fifteen minutes to get showered and dressed, and fifteen minutes to walk to class. 

You arrive to class a few minutes early, get yourself set up, and lock it in… this shit’s going to be on the midterm. You take diligent notes and actively participate to make sure that you’re really getting the most out of your education.

When you get back from class, you make a quick breakfast (something somewhat healthy) and then sit down at your desk to grind out work for the rest of your morning.


Five minutes before your class starts, your alarm goes off after having been snoozed repeatedly for the past hour. You realize that you’re absolutely fucked, and sprint around your room to get dressed. You don’t need a mask for this class, but whiff of your own breath reminds you that you’re actually quite COVID precautious and you want to wear it for protection.

You get to class seven minutes late and completely out of breath. You spend the first half of class making sure you’re not having a heart attack before you pop open your computer and scavenge the waiver wire to find a solution to the many gaping holes in your 2-4 fantasy football team.

On your way home, you get three Sausage McMuffins and two hash browns, which scarf down before you’ve even two blocks away from McDonald’s. You get home and take your computer out to get some work done, and two hours later you wake up to Family Guy still playing and try to figure out what day it is.

The Afternoon

The Plan

You make sure to eat a pretty big lunch because you don’t want to have to come back home after your 1pm class to eat. Instead, you’re going to go to the library for a few hours immediately after to knock out all of the next day’s homework.

After two hours of solid work, you walk home to heat up some leftovers and relax for a little while before it’s time to study. 


Your morning recovery nap lasted well into the afternoon, and you completely slept through your 1pm class. When you wake up, you’re hungry again. Lunch today is a bag of beef jerky and an Uncrustable.

Since you missed one of your classes, you figure that you should be productive in some way, but you can’t manage to get anything done without jerking off. After that, you hop in the shower to cleanse yourself for the first time in 36 hours. You get out and decide that it’s time to relax. You’ll get studying done tonight.

The Evening

The Plan

You have a nice pasta dinner and give your parents a call afterward. At about eight o’clock, you sit down and plan out the rest of you week before studying for your midterms.

By eleven, you’re beat and decide to call it a night. By midnight, you’re sound asleep, resting up for the next day


You decide that your hard work today has earned you a DoorDashed meal, so you text your mom that you need a textbook for your Psych class, and pretty soon you’re eating a delicious Popeye’s dinner.

You spend the next four hours betting heavily on Russian table tennis online, and after going down four hundred, you block your bookie’s Venmo and phone number. Before you can settle down for sleep, you remember that season four of Rules of Engagement is hilarious and spend the entire night binge watching it over stale Cheez-Its and tap water. 

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Written by TFM

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