While I believe that every person is unique in their own way, some things about being a guy are universal. For no specific reason, men of all shapes and sizes will get completely random urges to do certain things. In the moment, you might feel somewhat weird for having these “strange” urges, but it turns out you’re not alone. Here is a list of the most common impulses that every man has experienced at least once in their lifetime:
The 3:00 am Workout
For most of us, the 3:00 am workout was an urge we all experienced at a young age. Regardless of the motivation for the workout (usually trying to magically develop a six-pack), we’ve all had one night where our mom walked in on us doing push-ups in the middle of the night. I’d venture to say that the 3:00 am workout is explicitly unique to the male gender as the opposite side usually only eats cheese sticks for an entire week to fix their body image.
Become a Navy SEAL
This might not be an entirely universal feeling, but I’d imagine it’s still pretty common. At one point or another, we’ve all seen a David Goggins TikTok or random military video on YouTube that had us ready to run through a wall. When you’re already balls deep into a degree that may or may not suit your future career interests, dropping out of school and becoming a Navy SEAL doesn’t sound all that terrible. That is, until you nearly die while trying to run a 5K charity race.
Practice Your Golf Swing with an Imaginary Club
Whether you picked up golf a year ago or play on the PGA Tour, practicing your swing with an imaginary club in the most random places is a staple of manhood. Waiting for your table at a fancy restaurant? Take out the 8-iron. Bored at your desk during a long day at work? Practice that short game. Sitting awkwardly at a funeral for an extended family member you only met once? Perfect time to crank some drives. There truly is never a dull moment in life when you’ve got your imaginary set of golf clubs right alongside you.
I’m fully aware that sleeping is an activity that both genders participate in, however, randomly napping is exclusively for men. Excuse me if I’m wrong but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman pass out for twenty minutes in a booth at Chili’s before. As a male, God gifted us all with the ability to nap anytime and anywhere, which is a skill that a vast majority of the population takes advantage of. The random urge to nap is at times inexplicable – but I never go against it (and neither should you).
I hate to bring it up, but it truly is an undeniable truth of manhood. Of all the urges we males have, spanking the salami has got to be not only the most random but also the most frequent. Now, just because you get the urge to choke the chicken doesn’t always mean you should follow through with it. I can’t tell you how many times I was inclined to wax the dolphin during my sixth-grade math class, but that would be considered “weird” if I did. I’m assuming these urges begin to die down eventually (at least I hope), but my testosterone-filled nineteen-year-old body is showing no signs of slowing up anytime soon. November has been my least favorite month for years and I don’t imagine this upcoming one will be any different.