Ranking the 5 Best Poops You Can Take

If you chose to click this link and read this, I thank you. If you are a female who has even a semblance of sexual interest in me, read at your own risk. This will undoubtedly make you think less of me. All of my blogs will probably do that, though.

5. The Work Shit

Depending on how comfortable you are pooping outside of your own home, this may not be your ideal situation, but if you enjoy pooping as much as I do, it’ll be a great experience. First of all, it’s ten minutes that you don’t have to be working and shouldn’t be considered a break. Second of all, if you do the type of damage I did yesterday, it’s kind of a classic prank on anyone who has to go in after you. 

4. The Groggy Grumper

Every once in a while, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a desperate need to disrespect a toilet, and it’s truly an awesome feeling. Any intestinal discomfort gets flushed away, and you can go back to your bed feeling four pounds lighter. You’ll sleep like a chicken after, and you just saved yourself some time in the morning. It’s a two for one in my eyes.

3. The Morning Defecation

Pooping is probably the most essential part of my morning routine, and it’s also my favorite. Is there any better way to start the day than completely ridding yourself of everything that you’ve eaten the day before? The answer is no.

2. The Clean Pinch

The first blog I ever wrote was about the clean pinch, and I think that I should note that I am still in search of a three clean pinch day for any of my OG readers. But the important thing here is the fact that you have truly succeeded in your bathroom efforts if you push one out with no residue. There’s no bigger feeling of success honestly.

1. The Craft Beer Crap

Drinking a beer while taking a dump is number one. The better the beer, the better the dump, but drinking a Busch Light while squeezing one out is still superior to any other shit you’ll take.

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Written by TFM

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