As a part of this typically-awful generation, I am a huge TikToker. Not as in a wildly famous creator (although I do have over 3000 followers, go check out @tfmbecks). Nor do I mean I’m one of those grossly overweight people that has followers just for drinking ranch dressing (though I may have done that off camera in the past). Instead, what I mean by “huge TikToker” is that I spend an unhealthy amount of time on TikTok. Though I claim to my boss that “it’s for work,” most of the time I’m just on there to waste brain cells. Anyway, throughout my time using Chinese Vine, I have cultivated quite the For You Page.
As many TikTokers know, there are several different sides to the app. For instance, some people may get more videos of animals doing human activities while other people get videos of alcoholics trying to stay sober. It’s a very diverse app, I know. The point is I have been on a whole bunch of sides of TikTok. Basically I’ve hit every nook and cranny of the app that ruins mental health across the globe. While many may view that as a waste of time, I believe my expertise will help others. In an attempt to do so, I have decided to rank all of the different sides of TikTok. This list includes 16 different corners of TikTok. While I’m sure there are more, this is all I have seen or care to remember. If I think of others, perhaps I’ll steal a page out of TikTok’s own book and do a part two. For now however, here are all of the TikTok sides ranked.
If you like listening to people smack their moist lips together into the world’s greatest microphone, you are a certified psychopath. Please get your mukbangs and finger tappings away from me.
#15. Influencer TikTok
This includes all your GRWMs and vlogs. Sorry, but I don’t need a rich person who is younger than me to show me how much better their life is than mine. Maybe that’s just me though.
#14. Fashion TikTok
Every fashion creator buys designer trash bags and wears them shoes that look like they belong to Buzz Lightyear.
#13. Text Conversations
Have fun reading through 25 slides of texts between this girl and her 8-year-old brother. Spoiler, the brother wants dino nuggets and to play Wii. He’s a below average 8-year-old at best.
#12. Relationship TikTok
If you’re single, TikTok will make you wish you boarded the OceanGate submarine by showing you loads of happy couples enjoying each other’s company. If you’re in a relationship, here are 35 signs that you are getting cheated on right now.
#11. Health TikTok
“Hey, you! Have you ever tried greek yogurt? Look at all of these things that taste way worse with it!”
#10. Music TikTok
Okay, here is where the list starts to get positive. Sometimes you come across an unknown creator with an absolute banger. Or, it’s a music reviewer with a song you should check out. Yet most of the time, it’s just Anthony Fantano telling you why your favorite music sucks.
#9. Movie Clips
Do you like movies? How about this wildly not famous scene from a movie you’ve never heard of? Yes, of course it’s taken completely out of context!
#8. Podcast Clips
Podcast clips are significantly better than movie clips. While in general I prefer movies, if I’m only going to watch a 45 second snippet, podcasts are way easier to follow and may even teach you something. This one time, I found a video explaining what to do when you come in contact with different species of bears. I don’t remember what to do anymore, but at the time it sure was cool.
#7. Reddit Stories
People do some messed up stuff in this world. If you like wild stories and Subway Surfers, you are going to love Reddit Stories. Honestly, this probably would’ve been higher on the list if you didn’t have to wait for updates half the time.
Sometimes you’ll find a cool restaurant near you to try out, or see a recipe that you could make. Most of the time though, it’s just really good looking food that’s thousands of miles away. Thanks, Keith Lee, now I’m starving.
Now we’re cookin’. Standup-Tok is great. Maybe it’s just me since I’m a big comedy fan, but there really isn’t anything wrong with standup TikTok. The bits are usually funny and you don’t really need any context. The only downside is sometimes you come across an amateur who is painfully unfunny. Still, sometimes even that is pretty funny.
#4. Hot Girl Dances
I’m not even gonna explain this one. You guys get the appeal.
#3. Mentally Challenged People
Hear me out. I don’t just laugh at people with disabilities. Instead, there is a huge corner of TikTok dedicated to siblings with disabilities. Accounts like @bakerbanter and @tacobellqween, use their platforms to show the lives of people with disabilities like Derek and Ryan. Normally, I hate vlogging (see #15), but these dudes are the bros. They get me. They like sports, wrestling, and drinking beers with their buddies. Who wouldn’t like that? Yes, sometimes it’s just extremely funny. I’m not a bad person, I promise.
#2. Sports TikTok
Sports TikTok is a wide variety of videos. Sometimes it’s clips of plays or games, other times it’s dudes giving their opinions on players or teams, and a lot of times it’s just guys playing with filters. Maybe I’m just a dude, but I like trying to build an 82-0 team. It’s fun, I don’t know.
#1. Low quality videos
This is the reason I use TikTok. Yes, most of the time I’ve already seen the video from Vine ten years ago, but that doesn’t make it unfunny. If the pictures are grainy, you know that video comes from a time of true comedy. Expect no boundaries, a ton of raunchiness, and definitely some slight racism. It’s all in good fun though, I promise.