Over the course of every guy’s adolescence, he has to deal with a series of realizations that will all be a tough pill to swallow. This will differ for every man. But some of these are the same for all of us, seemingly due to our shared experiences with testosterone and a swinging appendage between our legs.
Your penis is done growing
This is a tough day in a man’s life. You look down at your kielbasa, and realize it has been exactly that size for the last few years. Before this, it was growing at a tiny rate into the sad excuse for a manhood you have now. But one day, it settles into a size that you’ll refer to as slightly above average in front of your boys, but will know is on the other side of that term. Maybe this isn’t a concern for our well-hung brothers. But for the people out there who need at least eight alcoholic beverages before they can even consider showing a woman their birthday suit, this day is a tough pill to swallow. It’s a day in a young man’s life where he realizes he’s going to need to learn some joke and develop a killer personality.
You aren’t going to be a professional athlete
I guess there are a few guys this doesn’t happen to. That being said, I’m going to assume professional athletes don’t read my work until Jalen Hurts responds to one of my dm’s about coming to a barbecue. For the rest of us, our childhood is comfortably filled with the thoughts that we’re going to be the next Tom Brady, LeBron James, or Mike Trout. Eventually the real-world hits and we are stuck with the sad reality that we will never share that fate. Maybe it’s when you get cut from the JV baseball team. Maybe it’s when you smoked weed for the first time and realized your lungs were going to be used for something other than running down a basketball court. Maybe it’s when you played football in high school and still never got laid so you decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Either way, almost every guy has to give up on this dream one day, and it’s the first real trauma a lot of us face in life.
She doesn’t like you back
No one escapes this one. You’re either too low on the scale of one to ten, and you’re going to get really good at accepting defeat, or you are handsome enough to get women to approach you, and you don’t have the personality to back it up. Some guys go from the first group to the second. They become the friend everyone resents because he talks to girls at bars with more comfort than I do when I talk to my parents. Even this guy faces rejection on his journey to becoming the person you want to be when you grow up. Listening to “Marvin’s Room” alone in your bedroom is a defining moment for all of us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl you actually know, or someone you saw at the bar and stood next to while scrolling your weather app.
This drinking habit might actually be a problem
This comes shortly after a lie all guys say, which of course is, “I’m in college, it’s not alcoholism.” This is a great way to have a lot of fun in the beginning of your career in secondary education, but it also runs out as your behavior inevitably worsens. Waking up at noon on a Wednesday afternoon in a puddle of your own urine will surely make you look into the mirror and question some of your life choices. You can go one of two ways at this point, which is to make a change in your life, or bury it deep down with all the other information that makes you uncomfortable in life. Whether you give these thoughts enough attention or not to make your life manageable is up to you, but either way, this thought will surely cross your head at some point in your life.
