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Ridiculous Things My Friends Have Said

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I did one of these a while back, but I’ve witnessed my friends say many more sus, stupid, and silly things since then, so sit back and enjoy the words that came out of their mouths while I give you barely enough context to understand it. I will have to keep everyone’s names private, but if you find a quote particularly offensive, you can assume it was said by my good friend Thomas William Meyer. He’s in a few posts on my Instagram if anyone wants to go blow up his DMs with what a scumbag he is.

“Every day I get farther away from eighteen, she gets one day closer, and that’s okay with me.”

This was said about Millie Bobbie Brown who my friend finds very hot. He is an adult, and she is not. One day he will be able to talk about how hot she is in a more open sense.

“There’s nothing sadder than a dude circling around a girl and not getting his dick rubbed on her jeans.”

This one is just true. We’ve all seen a guy go up to a girl, try to dance with her, and never have his penis end up anywhere near her denim pants. Such a shame.

“I threw up, and now I’m eating mac and cheese. Out of a red solo cup, nonetheless. That’s life.”

That is indeed life – and quite an interesting post-puke snack in my humble opinion, but he said it was tasty.

“If she yacks on me, I’m going to throw it everywhere.”

Said to the room as a very drunk girl stumbled around the couch my friend and I were on. In his defense we had set up a pillow tower and already put on New Girl, and she was really killing the vibe. She also looked like she was going to throw up.

“I got a twin-sized bed. You have to cuddle me.”

This one I don’t really have an explanation for. You’re probably just as lost in that sorry logic as I am.

“Don’t these women know they can’t have periods here? This is a man’s house. Suck it up.”

This was said to me seconds after my roommate came running out of the bathroom horrified that there was a used tampon in our bathroom. I have to say, though, he was kinda right.

“It went in me.”

He was talking about a drumstick… a drumstick that punctured his leg. Or maybe that’s just what he told me. Who knows for sure?

“I’m pretty sure I have four videos of you eating it.”

Eating what?

What do you think?

Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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