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RobinHood’s Superbowl Ad…HAHAHAHAHA

I’m being genuinely serious when I say pray for the children of Robinhood’s marketing team. I feel so bad that an eleven-year-old girl will have to move schools after being bullied because her Dad is an incompetent asshole. FUCKING PUT IN THE DAVE PORTNOY CLIP, WHAT AN IDIOT. WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT. 

Oh my god. After going against everything they stand for, RobinHood just says, hey, let’s throw in EVERY RACE with EVERY GENDER and America won’t notice that we are a bunch of candy ass puppets with Hedge Fund Managers elbows deep inside our assholes. We are all investors…well unless you wanted to save a brick and mortar family business from dying, then we have to put a cap on you. But hey…hey…here’s five dollars of free stock to a failing pharmaceutical company for getting your sister to download our app. 

Do you really think we are that stupid? RobinHood, you have every single guy in his early twenties keeping receipts on you like we are seventeen-year-old girls proving that their high school boyfriend promised not to break up with her when he left for college. You fucked up so bad you got Donald Trump JR and AOC to get together and say, yeah, you suck. 

You are Christopher Moltisanti, and we are Tony Soprano’s hand. Get lost.

What do you think?

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Written by Bobby D'Angelo

TFM middle school penis game champion. Rutgers student.

2 Comments

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  1. Ok so I was flipper-gasted to find out but Robinhood was actually forced to restrict purcheses (and not sales) of Gamestop. So the market is manipulated but Robinhood was manipulated in this instance too. Now their PR guys handled it like crosseyed archer. Other meme trading apps actually went out on blogs and said “here is why this is happening” but Robinhood stayed mostly silent.
    This guy explains it about is simply as it can.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsEccDn3xa0&ab_channel=HumphreyYang

    (if you don’t want to watch and want a kinda ok short version here we go)
    When you buy stock your portfolio says you have it but it doesn’t technically go through for 2 days. While that is waiting to happen Robinhood (or whoever you use) has to put up extra colateral to the (big tradey place) for those 2 days. Well THOSE GUYS were shadey/fuckey and decided Gamestop was so volatile right now that they needed 100% colateral instead of the normal 2%. So with so many people buying, Robinhood suddenly needed to front $3billion it didn’t have (and it was able to raise it… pretty quickly) just to be allowed to have these trades in limbo.
    Why it didn’t just tell its people that… there are a couple theories, watch the video.

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