Alex Becker
Here’s evidence that Hot Pockets really can tear you a new asshole.
A Kentucky man was arrested this past weekend after he shot his roommate for taking the last Hot Pocket. According to reports from the Metro Louisville Police Department, Clifton Williams was taken into custody on Sunday morning for second-degree assault after he allegedly shot his roommate in the butt following an argument that stemmed from eating the final frozen handheld pizza. The roommate, who has not been named, said that upon eating the Hot Pocket, Williams became upset and began throwing tiles at him. I’m not quite sure what he means by tiles, but nevertheless it doesn’t sound great.
When the roommate tried to leave the apartment, Williams grabbed his gun and shot his victim in the behind as he was running out the door. Now with a second hole in his bum, the victim was able to walk a couple blocks until finding help and being escorted to the University of Louisville Hospital where he was treated.
The injuries are said to be non-life threatening and Williams is now being held in jail at $7500 bond. He is not allowed to have any contact with his victim roommate. I’m sure the roommate is happy about that part.
This sure is a wild story. Do you know how much Hot Pockets cost? I don’t, but definitely less than $7500 and jail time. From a pure business standpoint, that was just not a smart move. Even more than that, once Williams is let out he is now going to need to find a new roommate. Good luck with that. No one is going to agree to live with a guy who’s last roommate didn’t work out due to physical violence over a children’s snack.
Oh, by the way, you wanna the craziest part of the whole story? Williams is 64-years-old. What 60-year-old guy still lives with a roommate? Not a standup gentleman that’s for sure. I guarantee when you first started reading this you expected Williams to be under thirty. I know I did. Part of me is guessing that this isn’t Williams first time in jail and probably won’t be his last.
Anyway, if you live in the Louisville area and are looking for a roommate that won’t touch your shit, I got a guy for you. Fair warning, he will probably need a couple months to get his affairs in order.
