Sam Hauser for MVP

Hey! Average Celtics fan here. I live a simple life. I sleep all summer and wake in the winter to watch the best sport to come out of Massachusetts, which is saying a lot considering it’s also the birthplace of candlepin bowling. I also don’t have a lot that makes me happy in life. In fact, most things leave me feeling emptier than a 30-rack of buds on Super Bowl Sunday. Things like Stephen Curry, the Lakers tying us in chips, Stephen Curry, Bill Russell tragically passing away this year, and Stephen Curry. But maybe just this once, I’ll be allowed to have hope. Because Sam Hauser is so that guy.

Now I know what you may be asking. Sam who? But let me tell you this strawberry blonde sweetheart is sweeping the Celtics nation, and it’s easy to see why. He’s just simply put, a better shooter than Steph Curry. Yes, I know Steph Curry holds the all-time record for three-pointers made, but record shmecord. Sam Hauser will break that record in his sleep. Currently, in the giant sample size of three games, this pre-season Sam has shot a combined 12/20 from three, which roughly translates to 60% behind the arc. Steph Curry last season in only 64 games shot a measly 38% from behind the arc. So clearly we can see the disconnect in their three-point shots.

Also, not only is this man an offensive sharp-shooter rivaling the shooting prowess of the best shooters in history like Ben Simmons, but he also is going to be an elite defender, probably comparable shot-blocking to Giannis.

I mean look at that athleticism, that quickness. It simply isn’t fair for the other guys on the court to have to play with him. There’s no comparison. But you guys don’t need me to tell you that, you already saw the tape.

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Written by Warren Loukota

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