TFM
About a month into my post grad life, it’s truly begun to hit me that I have pretty much become an adult. Sure, my emotional maturity is that of a sexually active sixteen-year-old, but in society’s eyes, I’m looked at no differently than people with office jobs and 401ks. That probably shouldn’t be the case, but since it is, here are some signs that you’re really starting to grow up.
LinkedIn is Your Most Used “Social Media”
With each passing day, I find myself less and less interested in seeing girls I haven’t spoken to since high school post their graduate photos on Instagram and a hell of a lot more intrigued by scrolling through LinkedIn to find out what jobs kids that once played battle shits with me in a high school bathroom are getting. I don’t remember the last time I cared about seeing someone’s followers/following ratio being out of whack, but I will absolutely tear you apart if I see that you’ve got a sorry number of connections. That’s just the way it is.
You Buy Drinks for Your Parents
Having my dad say, “Next round is on you,” hit me harder than Caitlyn Jenner hit that animal rights activist with her car. I’ve got no problem grabbing a gin and tonic for pops, but the being at a point in our relationship where we’ll buy each other drinks while out at a bar made me realize that I’ll now be receiving texts asking if I want to grab a beer way more often than texts to clean my room, especially because texting me to clean my room would be a little weird when I’m not under his roof.
Hangovers Become Real
My drinking habits from high school and early college now completely repulse me, and thinking back to all the “hangovers” I used to have now makes me laugh. I don’t know exactly how the switch happened, but gone are the days of curing a small headache after a night of drinking with a greasy egg sandwich and popping an aspirin. Coming to terms with adulthood is realizing that a hangover doesn’t consist of a poop that’s edging on full liquid followed by a need for a nap and instead it feels a lot more like you might need to go to the emergency room.
Your Friends Sacrifice Fun for Responsibility
I live in a little bit of a bubble given that my work day can very easily start from the comfort of my bed before I’ve even taken my morning shit. But when your friends say, “No, I can’t get blackout drunk tonight. I have to go into the office tomorrow morning,” you’ll quickly discover that everyone around you is starting to think less and less about when their next beer is going to be and more and more about how many hours of sleep they need to make it through the day. It’s sad to see, but I’ve been told it’s a “necessary step to maturity.”
Getting Annoyed When You Get Carded
I’ve only been over the age of twenty-one for about a year now, but it already bothers me when I get carded while trying to order a drink. Yeah, I’m twenty-two and want a Dirty Shirley. I’m not young. I’m just a pussy. Get me the goddamn drink and shut up.
