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Six Things All Guys Think/Love

Identifying as a TV Character and Making It Your Personality For Two Months:

Maybe you just watched Friday Night Lights and you’re a reserved alcoholic that fixes his hair every thirty seconds, maybe it’s Mad Men and you’re a shark who only shows empathy towards fast women, or maybe, despite the fact you’re not from New Jersey or that Italian, you walk around like the nephew of a mob boss. Every time I get myself into any television binge, I identify myself with a character and try to take on little traits of his that I admire. Even in the case of Ozarks, I spent three weeks with the mindset of a white trash lady who killed her uncle. Me drinking too much on a Wednesday is boring, but me drinking too much on a Wednesday to try and relate to a guy I watch catch bad guys is kind of sick.

That thing that we dream of doing with women fifteen times a day is quite difficult:

I don’t know if it’s just because I haven’t been great on cardio lately, but I found that I’m insecure whenever I’m intimate with a lady because I’m making the same sound effects as a stressed-out Tony Soprano. Not to mention, you catch yourself in that position after triceps day… that’s Navy Seal training right there. 

Chucking Up An Instagram Story After Your Team Won:

My seventh-grade basketball team lost to the Jewish community center, I stood no chance of making it to any professional league. But if the Eagles beat the Cowboys on any given Sunday night, I’m acting like I was a player-coach. We probably lose that game if I don’t squat for three seconds above my coach while our kicker gets positioned. It’s our job as fans to double remind everybody who just watched a basketball game that our team won. 

Stalking Your Favorite Podcaster/Internet Personality

I love how hypocritical we all are. We all say it’s so dumb that girls watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians as we glance our heads up from our favorite podcast’s subreddit. I would not care if something much more extreme than what happened, happened to ninety percent of people that attended the Oscars, but god forbid something happened to Shane Gillis or certain people from Barstool, I’d freak out. Whenever I’m seeing a girl, I don’t stalk her Instagram for more than five minutes. I simply pick the three pictures to brag to my friends about when they ask who I was with the other night, but my favorite Podcaster, I want to know his hometown, I want to know his net worth, and I want to know what made him this way. 

Sending a Poop pick to the boys:

This is a given. 

Emotional Sports Highlights:

Sometimes there will be a string of horrible things that happen in your life over three months, and Isaiah Thomas playing after his sister passed away playoff compilation lets all those emotions out. I’m a believer in therapy. It did not work for me, and I tried a few different therapists, but I’ve found a good seventeen-minute cry while watching the end of Moneyball every three weeks to be a surprisingly great way to take on my emotions.

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