Sometimes I think I have the comedic stylings of Larry David. Most of the time, I realize that I just have a similar hatred for most of the population. Here are some of the people I hate the most.
Unapproved Line Switchers
You know that thing when you’re standing in line at a gas station, Wendy’s, airport, or basically anywhere else when a new line is open and the person behind you darts over to it before you are able to go? Those people deserve to have large things stuffed in their small holes. I hate the fact that some people think this is common courtesy. A single line works very similar to the rankings of a mob family. There is a chain of command. Follow it, or you deserve death.
Grammar Nazis
Unless you are paid to read these blogs before I post them, the way I said it was just fine. My dad was an English teacher for a while, and he slowly built up this hatred over time. My least favorite grammar nazi is the kind who corrects my grammar over text. Odds are I wrote it at a red light, or in the middle of masturbating, so I really didn’t put a lot of thought into it, asshole.
People Named Keith
You ever meet a good Keith? I sure haven’t.
People Who Spoil Movies/TV
If we are talking about a movie or show I haven’t seen, don’t tell me about the details of the plot. Anything you tell me about the plot is clearly something you enjoyed when you watched it, so let me have the same experience. I’m not invested in the MCU, DCU, or Star Wars franchises but I stay up to date on them so I can ruin someone’s day if they tell me what happened on HBO this Sunday.
People Who “Almost Hit” Parlays
You know the friend of a friend of a friend you uncomfortably find yourself next to sometimes when ordering drinks. He is the second most uncomfortable guy to talk to, behind the exact same guy if he likes telling you about almost parlays. This guy will tell you about the first four legs of his parlay all hitting at -450 odds, before saying the division two college basketball underdog he picked lost by twelve. That’s simply an example of a bad story. Even worse, some of these guys have a ton of ammo when it comes to these snoozers, and they keep them ready in social situations. Grow a personality, or memorize a few obscure South Park bits you can use for an emergency laugh.
Good People
These people make me look bad. I hate that.
