Slang Sunday Volume III

I know it’s supposed to be Slang Saturday, but I may have gotten day drunk yesterday and forgot to post this. I 100% blame March Madness on this one. Anyway, it’s Sunday of March Madness again, so that means I may be drunk again. Anyway, here’s the first word.

I can’t fucking wait to be one of these people. I may have used being a fat ass to get my vaccine. I can’t wait to go to bars and get so fucked that I’m swaying at the urinal. I will not be one of those people that brag about it, though. If I can use it to go to sporting events and do shit, I might brag about that.

I might have thought the complete opposite. I always thought that Bless your heart was a positive thing. I guess I was naive to the whole southern charm thing. I know that in the northeast, the first response is a fuck you. It makes sense, though, that instead of just tossing a fuck you, they say bless your heart. Even the worst insult for southern charm has a blessing in it.

All I can do is laugh at this one. I’ve heard a vagina called many things, but never a juice wallet. I mean, it makes sense men all around the world will pay a shit ton of money to get into a juice wallet.

God damn, has anybody been involved in a spit roast? I know people are into some kinky shit, but I’ve never heard of spit roasting. The best part about Urban Dictionary isn’t only the definition, but the example sentences are the best. I mean, how many moms have been arrested and got out of it all because they got split roasted? I would say the number is minimal. This reminds me of the scene from Super Troopers.

I’m not going even to pretend to know what this means. What the fuck is the inguinal canals? This seems like something that might get you canceled today. So no funny comments, just showing the people what muffing is.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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