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Social Media Review: Snapchat

A new series of me reviewing apps. More specifically, explaining how I use these apps compared to the average millennial.

Snapchat was initially used for sending a picture of your friend with a finger-drawn red dick to every person in your high school. This not only was the peak of social media at the time but also the peak of comedy in high school.

The only thing I use Snapchat for now is friend group chats and the one snap streak I still have. I very rarely watch stories because I just don’t give a shit anymore. If you still watch Snapchat stories you are a fucking loser. How are you that dumb to not know what you’re getting into? Watching Snapchat stories is like eating snow, you are putting effort into something that is giving you 0 reward. Watching Snapchat stories is just you… existing. I know what I’m gonna see when I watch Snapchat stories. 

The first, and most common thing I see on Snapchat stories is people hanging out and getting drunk. Clumsily shot, unintelligible laughter, and the obligatory long video length makes this the biggest time vampire of “thing I’m choosing to watch” ever. There is literally no substance whatsoever in these videos. The only reason why you’d actually WANT to watch these is to stalk your friends and see “why Sarah is hanging out with Neil? I thought they broke up.” I guess you could call this jealousy, but I really don’t like “advertising” who I’m hanging out with in case I am making someone mad… I’m weird.

Next are the location stories. A photo or video of your feet and a location stamp of where they are. These are definitely the least impactful but still fucking pointless. Who cares that you are in Rhode Island? No one is positively affected by this? Who is looking at a photo of you at Disneyland and having a better day? The only location I would even somewhat allow on a Snapchat story is my house. If I see that I will be genuinely interested in how the fuck you got into my house.

The third and easily most annoying to me are the black screen opinions. A completely black photo with text that is either sharing a very popular non-disputed opinion or vaguely calling someone out. “I don’t know who needs to hear this, but rape is NEVER okay” or  “That’s fine. I’ll talk to someone who DOESN’T treat me like trash. This, like all Snapchat stories, is to make it seem like you are important in any way when, in reality, we all suck equally. 

Snapchat stories do, however, hold the place as the original “story” thing. So good job Snapchat. It is still fun to send memories to your friends and have them ignore you.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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