Yes, you read that headline correctly. In an event the internet has named, “Mission Impastable” around 500 pounds of cooked angel hair pasta was dumped next to a creek in Old Bridge, New Jersey. The giant pile of carbs was discovered by a hiker, and their origin remains a mystery.
The event became publicized from the Facebook account of an Old Bridge resident who criticized the mayor for ignoring the situation. It seems a little unfair for the mayor to be held accountable for this situation. Honestly, it seems unfair to get mad at anyone over this. Some may point out that this is a waste of food, but what’s to stop a hiker from filling their backpack with noodles and washing the dirt off their dinner when they get home. The dumping of these noodles shouldn’t be considered wasteful, but an inconvenient charitable act.
The most curious part of this story, however, is the motive that caused these noodles to end up in the forest. First of all, this is easily well over $1,000 worth of pasta. No one has enough resources to dump a meal big enough to feed Bert Kreischer twice for no reason. Also, if this was simply about disposal, what’s to stop the perpetrators from driving to a nearby dumpster and shoveling enough noodles to fill an above ground pool into it. This was no simple act of disposal. I’ve narrowed down the origin story of these noodles to three possibilities that explain their final resting place at the edge of a New Jersey creek.
First, and easily the simplest, is the idea that this was done as some form of abstract art. Maybe this is meant to demonstrate the value of Italian food to the American economy. Maybe the noodles are supposed to represent how chefs have been undervalued in our society. The only thing that makes me doubt this is the fact that no one on TikTok has claimed this act yet.
The next possible reason the noodles could’ve been dumped in the forest is very simple. PETA did it. Maybe they saw a report that the animals in that forest have been struggling to eat, and they felt the need to fix this issue themselves. Who would actually put it past PETA to do something this ridiculous? I would not.
The final possible reason is that these noodles are somehow connected to a crime, and they had to be dumped in the forest, mob style. Maybe a Tony Soprano type wanted to, “get rid of” one of his guys, and make a statement in the process. I’d imagine drowning someone to death in a pile of noodles would accomplish that.