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Stop Talking About This

Shitty Tik Tok of the week: Tiktok

The new Spiderman No Way Home trailer came out and I already know everything about the movie because of these stupid theory videos I see on Tiktok. I’m all for speculating and guessing what’s going to happen in a movie but why does every 4th TikTok have to be another dumbass theory about this shit. I can’t take it. Call it the algorithm or whatever but I fucking hate these videos. As the unofficial best blogger here at TFM I have to put my foot down. Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of Marvel can make a 30-second video showing 2 frames of this trailer and saying it was Andrew Garfield’s left nut. I have seen most marvel movies, and some more than once, and I don’t give a shit about these theories. How is everybody eating this up? 

If you look closely at the 48-second mark in the trailer, you can see that there are multiple people holding phones and filming Peter Parker. This is actually a reference to the Andrew Garfield scene in The Amazing Spiderman where he owns a cell phone. Andrew Garfield confirmed for No Way Home.

The worst part about these videos is that there are so many. They all contradict each other that it’s almost pointless to watch because hundreds of people are saying different things about the same thing if that makes sense…There are just too many theories out there that you have to come to the conclusion “well that’s not what this other guy said… so who is right?” Why would I keep watching these if there’s a high probability that they are wrong? It’s pointless. The only reason to watch is to imagine what could happen, which is fine for people to do, I just don’t want to fucking hear it anymore. Keep spouting your theories. You have no impact on the decisions to a movie that is already made. Have your fun and keep it off my feed because I would like to be genuinely surprised rather than an “I knew it!” or “Damn I wanted this to happen” when watching.

At 47 seconds you can see that Peter and MJ are standing on top of a metal beam above a bridge. Zendaya, the actor who plays MJ, is wearing black converse shoes. Fans are speculating that this has something to do with the fact that Zendaya would often wear converse in her role as Rocky in the Disney sitcom Shake It Up. As we know, Disney owns Marvel so I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a cameo from everyone’s favorite Shake It Up character Deuce Martinez pulling some hijinks with Zendaya.

 I’m going to take a leap here and say that this reminds me of religion. How am I able to relate religion to a 3-minute spiderman trailer? I don’t know. But, these theories remind me of when I would ask questions about religion as a kid. “Why do we believe in this when other people believe in that?” The answer is just “because that’s what we believe.” There are thousands of religions so why is this one so special? The same goes for the theories. People are arguing over what is right when it’s already determined. The movie is going to come out and you will see if your theory was right. Just like religion. You are going to die and you will see if your religion was right. Who knew a blog on a website called Total Frat Move could get so existential?

At 2 minutes and 4 seconds, you can see Doctor Octopus, played by the original actor, Alfred Molina. He says “hello peter ” and most hardcore spiderheads think that he is talking to Tobey Mcquire’s spiderman. This isn’t true. The “hey Peter ” said by Doctor Octopus is actually a reference to Joe Swanson from Family Guy. Joe Swanson is known for saying the line “hey Peter” (in reference to his friend Peter Griffin) and I am just happy Marvel is finally exploring the multiverse correctly.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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