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Stories of the Week

At TFM, we love sharing the fucking ridiculousness and debauchery that our followers experience during their nights out. Unfortunately, not every crazy story can be communicated through a 20 second Instagram video. These are the stories that happen when you are too incapacitated, that is too crazy at the moment to whip your phone out, or legally require anonymity. So please enjoy…

Tom:

“2 pbrs, 1 Cherry Ale, 1 Pacifico. 5 naturdays, 1 Stella, 2 joints, and a decent bit of shrooms in a smoothie my homie made are how the night starts. I’m then chilling by the campfire talking to my new friend [hes like 55 yrs and has been through all types of crazy drug and crime shit and likes to twitch around a lot] that lives in the apartment beside me at the campfire behind the apartment, while he’s telling a crazy story of how he stole a car when he was 18 in NC and then wrecked it into a prison wall of all things in TN and then ran and didn’t get caught, among other insane stories, he’s been to jail for like 10 yrs total. So then he brings up he has 2 rats in his room. Me being high AF decides I want to go see these rats, so we walk up to his room, and there they are, 2 pet rats chilling in his apartment, then we walk over to my place, chill, then he calls it a night, but I’m not ready for bed. So I decide I want to go downtown, almost take the bus, but decide that’s not smart since I work for the city and I’m high af right now, so I decide to jog a mile to the closest open bar with 2 beers in my pocket yelling you won’t kill me tonight bears (I’m in a ski town in Colorado in April). I end up making it halfway then finding a creek to lay down and break at, and I almost fell asleep by the creek, but I didn’t, so now its been like 45 mins, about 1245am now, so I continue walking, then for some reason there are cops everywhere. And I ended up hiding from them, bc I thought that was better than walking by a cop car. Luckily I didn’t get caught and made it to the bar, and there are 3 guys and 2 big dogs sitting on the ground outside, so I sit down and hang out and pet them, and then out walks this 50 yr old chick that starts to talk about Jesus, and this old guy with a piece of wood stuck through his nose that owns the dogs, and is hitting in the 50 yrs girl, somehow she then gives me ride home and not this old guy, and I got her number and she actually wanted to chill the next day, but my cut off is like 40 yrs. So that’s how my first experience went on shrooms on Easter 2021!”

Ryan:

“This kid in my HS thinks it’s funny to just take handful of random prescription pills. Just be a complete retard. One night we were at this girls house and he got super fucked up and went on a search for some pills. He ended up finding a bottle, ripped the cap off and took like 8 of em. Fast forward maybe like 30 mins and he’s on the ground fuckin screaming and groaning. We look at the pills and they are dog deworming pills. That shit was absolutely ripping up his stomach and he starts literally rocketing shit everywhere. Of course the one bitch that calls her self the mom of the group brought him to the bathroom, took off all his clothes except his underwear, and left him to wallow in a bathtub of his own shit. I didn’t hear from him for a while but when I did it turned out he was shitting so fast and so hard, it almost tore his intentions and he had to go to the hospital the next day because of how loose it made his asshole. If you are gonna learn anything from this it’s to at least read the pills before you take them.”

Nick:

“On a vacation, Tchami concert, Orlando, was coming back from an after party on a bird scooter. Heard some deep house going at a indoor/outdoor club on the way back decided to investigate what was going on. Went to the bar to order a drink and some guy in a tux came up to me offered me 4g of mushrooms. Obviously I took them, because of how trustworthy the tux and slicked hair was. Ending up being a great time. 2 hours later some guy handed me what looked like a dab pen, to my surprise it was DMT. Controlled myself swimmingly. Walked out with nothing but this story.”

These are fucking insane and somebody should read them out loud…

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