Stupidest Things in College Classes

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University Professor Addressing His Pupils During Lecture

I’ve never really been a big fan of “working hard” or “trying my best.” Instead, I prefer to coast on slightly above average intellect and fast food. Because of that, there are a lot of things I wasn’t a fan of when I entered higher education. There were some parts that made sense, but a lot more that didn’t. Here are the stupidest things in college classes.

Participation Grade

Unless it’s a public speaking class, I don’t understand why class participation is important. Professors never seem to understand that we’re all in the class to sit there quietly and have them deliver information while we don’t listen. Do you really want to hear my thoughts on the reading assignment we had for today? Because I don’t have any. I didn’t do it.

Attendance Rules

If your class is easy enough for me to get an A without ever showing up, I shouldn’t be penalized for spending the fifty minutes I was supposed to be in your class watching Two and a Half Men.

TAs Grading Assignments

In a philosophy class, I helped one of my friends for an entire exam. She got an A on that. I got a B. We submitted the same responses. I would say that it was totally unfair, but since we cheated I guess I don’t have much room to talk. Still, though, I think that proves that there should be one universal grader for a class.

Peer Review

I am smarter than all of my peers, which means that they greatly benefit from me looking over their work. My peers are not smarter than I am, though, which means the comments I get back on an essay are about as useful to me as Hunter Biden’s Asshole flavored gum.

No Computer Policies

The day I walk into a class and hear that there will never be a need for a laptop is the same day I stand up, take a steaming shit on the floor, and walk out with both middle fingers pointed directly at the professor. I don’t own a notebook, let alone a pen, so how in the hell am I meant to do anything for this class without a laptop? That doesn’t even compare to the fact that if I have to sit through someone lecture about the role of Jorge Luis Borges in the avant garde movement of Argentinian literature without Twitter in front of me, I’ll die of boredom if I can’t figure out a way to kill myself first.

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