Supermarket Closes After Invaded by a Spider Whose Bite Can Cause Permanent Erections

I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do with this information. At least this supermarket is in Austria – so I’m not at current risk of getting a permanent erection – but I know for a fact that I will never take a trip to Austria. Ever. I understand that there are plenty of spiders out there that are extremely venomous. It’s not like this is the first spider in the history of the world that could shut down a grocery store. However, I can’t get past the erection part of the venom side effects. I’m honestly dumbfounded. 

According to TMZ, this deadly species of Brazilian Wandering spider usually makes its way to Europe through banana shipments. I guess I won’t be buying bananas anymore either. I mean, could you imagine just scoping out the produce section and then all of a sudden you have a raging erection for the rest of your life? Maybe this could be a blessing for some people who struggle to get it up, but I don’t typically fall into that category. Besides permanent erections, the bite of a Brazilian Wandering spider can cause hypothermia, blurred vision, convulsions, and even death. It is recorded as the world’s most venomous spider in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

If I was one of the residents of this city in Austria, I would be out of there faster than you could say, “Lil Tay is dead”. I do not mess around with spiders. Absolutely disgusting creatures. Especially this one. Even looking at a picture of the Brazilian Wandering spider freaks me out. Apparently, its average size is four inches (which is actually pretty big, in my opinion), so it’s not like you’d overlook this thing. Unfortunately, if this thing doesn’t get caught, that store will probably shut down. I know I wouldn’t want to risk going there. 

Written by the godfather

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