Sylvester Stallone Hates His Family’s Sex Life

Sylvester Stallone is best known for portraying Rocky Balboa and being one of three actions stars that made movies in the 80’s. But apparently, this reputation is consistent even at his own house. Recently on his knew reality show, “The Family Stallone,” his daughter told the story of a time she was making out with a guy at her house until her father approached with a golf club and separated the two of them. 

The idea of this happening to me is enough to make me keep one eye open every time I kiss a girl for the rest of my life. It’s even worse if Stallone’s daughter made him work for it even a little bit. You just pulled a few smooth lines out of your ass, paid for dinner, and held in all of your farts just so you could get some action. Then just as things are starting to get interesting, a man whose movies taught you about perseverance is standing over you with a weapon. I know I would apologize and leave. I just don’t know if I would call him Mr. Stallone or Mr. Balboa.

This also sucks from the perspective of Stallone’s daughter. If I were her, I’d be rushing to the end of every romantic encounter just so I could get a few minutes in before Rambo approaches wearing nothing but a bathrobe. She probably makes up a name to give to guys she dates, because she knows every man will be simultaneously starstruck and terrified of her father. It also seems like Stallone takes a bunch of pride in this, so good luck getting him to stop doing it. 

I think there is an obvious solution to fix the dating lives of Stallone’s daughters. They need to date Dolph Lundgren’s kids. Lundgren played Ivan Drago in Rocky 4, and this would drag their beef off the screen. The family barbecues would allow the kids to have their fun, while the dads side eye and threaten each other the whole time. I’ve said before that I think it would be great to see these two fight in real life, and I believe the Lundgren children are potentially one DM away from making it happen. 

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Written by TFM

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