It’s Tabloid Thursday. Girls want you to care about whatever they are talking about, that’s where this weekly blog comes in. Every Thursday, I’ll break down the biggest stories from the last week so you can impress your wife, girlfriend, or the random girl you met on Tinder. The days of mansplaining stupid sports knowledge at the bar are over.
Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell: I had to really do some journalism for this one because I have no idea who any of these people are besides Sydney Sweeney. For context, Sydney Sweeney was in the hit show “Euphoria”. Regardless, she is engaged to a guy named Jonathan Davino. She and Glen Powell (“Hangman” from Top Gun) are starring in a new Rom-Com together so that basically means they’ve been scripted to fall in love with each other while filming this movie. To make matters worse, Glen and his girlfriend, Gigi Paris, split up about 3 weeks before these dating rumors started. If I was Jonathan, I would start listening to Future because there is no way you’re getting your girl back. If my girl nicknamed another man “Top Gun”, I wouldn’t be able to eat for 3 months. It is also worth noting that Gigi Paris, Glen’s fiance, unfollowed Sydney Sweeney on Instagram. (Reported by @PopBase on Twitter)
Alex Cooper: Former Barstool Sports employee and “Call Her Daddy” podcast host, Alex Cooper, got engaged this week. She got engaged to Hollywood Producer Matt Kaplan. This is huge news because “Call Her Daddy” is in the ears of every female in America aged 18-25. I am sure your girlfriend is looking at you now and wondering when you are going to propose to her. Not only is future Mrs. Kaplan engaged, but she is also stupid rich. Alex signed a podcast deal with Spotify worth $60 million. Hot Girl Summer is in full effect.
I know this ain’t the most thrilling news for all of us, but you know what they say – “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. So, next time you’re at dinner with your girl, drop some of the knowledge you gained from this blog and watch her face light up. Let’s be real, she puts up with our football-induced mental breakdowns every Sunday from September to February, so the least we can do is show we care, am I right?