It’s Tabloid Thursday. Girls want you to care about whatever they are talking about, that’s where this weekly blog comes in. Every Thursday, I’ll break down the biggest stories from the last week so you can impress your wife, girlfriend, or the random girl you met on Tinder. The days of mansplaining stupid sports knowledge at the bar are over.
Alix Earle Stuck in Italy: You’re probably asking yourself right now, “Who the F*CK is Alix Earle?”, and to be honest, that is a very fair question. I would generalize Alix Earle into being a social media influencer who came to her prominence on Tik Tok. Alix travels the world getting everything paid for because she is “HIM”. She is popular for her “Get Ready With Me” videos and is basically just the definition of what every girl aged 18-25 wants to be. She just graduated from the University of Miami and went on a Europe trip for the ages with her friends. While in Positano, Italy, she and her friends got lost trying to find their villa which they had rented out. It turns out it was all a scam and there was no actual villa to stay in. Remember when I said she gets everything paid for by brands? Yeah, Airbnb put her and her friends in an ocean-view villa. What a great PR move by Airbnb, their business model sucks because you have to pay someone a cleaning fee while also still doing the cleaning. The reason I like Alix is because we have the same name. (She is really hot)
Olivia Rodrigo New Album: Your girlfriend has 100% cried to an Olivia Rodrigo song and it was probably because said you wouldn’t love her if she turned into a grasshopper or something stupid like that. I must say, her last album had some certified slappers. I listened to like 2-3 songs non ironically so that makes me qualified to write about her new album. I spent 10 minutes going through the replies in this Tweet and can’t figure out what the “OR” is signifying and why it is capitalized. Let me give you some advice though, don’t piss your girlfriend off when Olivia drops this album. She needs any excuse to cry over this music and you not bringing her Chipotle might do that.
I know this ain’t the most thrilling news for all of us, but you know what they say – “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. So, next time you’re at dinner with your girl, drop some of the knowledge you gained from this blog and watch her face light up. Let’s be real, she puts up with our football-induced mental breakdowns every Sunday from September to February, so the least we can do is show we care, am I right?