Throughout my childhood and early teenage years, my parents and school teachers did a pretty solid job instructing me on life’s “rights” and “wrongs”. Although at times I might get the urge to yell obscenities in my school library or dropkick that one really annoying eight-year-old extended family member, I refrain because those actions are considered “wrong”. But, not everything in life is so black and white. Some things in life aren’t quite “right”, but also won’t land you in federal prison if you participate in them. As I’ve grown older and gained more independence, some of these taboo actions have become all too common in my everyday life, but I don’t really feel bad about them. Here are some examples:
Not Washing My Hands After the Bathroom
During elementary school, it was constantly drilled into my head to wash my hands after I used the bathroom. While it’s not a bad habit to build early, I’ve realized now that washing your hands every single time is just overkill. I ALWAYS WASH MY HANDS when I drop the kids off at the pool. But, when I’m just taking a simple leak, I don’t quite see the need to wash my hands after. A vast majority of the time when I’m using the urinal, I only touch my shorts. My shorts are clean, therefore my hands are also clean. Sue me.
I will never forget the time in sixth grade when I texted the B-word to one of my friends on my Google Chromebook and got caught by my English teacher. I cried for hours. Now, however, I have absolutely no shame whenever I cuss (which is quite a lot). The first time I heard one of my college professors swear during a lecture, I realized that these “taboo” words aren’t that big of a deal. That is until I throw out the f-word in front of my mother.
After my eighth-grade health teacher showed our class a video about alcohol destroying some random guy’s life, I swore to never drink in the future. That promise lasted me a good while until someone introduced me to Pink Whitney on prom night. Every time I choose to drink, I’m technically breaking a law, but it’s not like I lose sleep over it (or anyone else underage for that matter).
Hazing New Member Education
Throughout high school, I was never too excited to join a fraternity in college because of all the horror stories on the news and Lifetime Originals my mom would watch. But, pledging was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and the “new member education” program isn’t really what people make it out to be. Common new member activities are often frowned upon, but I don’t quite see the issue with simply learning about the history of your fraternity (*wink*).
Peeing in the Pool
Peeing in the pool was probably the biggest sin you could commit as a child (only second to pooping in the pool). But, I have absolutely no problem with it now whatsoever. The level of chlorine in public pools could probably melt the skin off of some small animals, so a little bit of piss here and there isn’t gonna hurt anybody. There’s no need to make it obvious when you’re handling your business, but don’t feel awkward about it either. You’re not the only one.
This is a JOKE. Please do not drive under the influence (unless you’re really good at it).