Takeaways From the Underwhelming Barbie Movie

Last night, I went to go see Barbie with extremely tempered expectations. Obviously, the hype around this movie was bigger than life itself, but I had heard mixed reviews from friends and the internet. I was hoping for a fun and mindless movie that toed the line between cheesy and “deep” – which is sort of what I got – but I walked out of the theater pretty underwhelmed. Here are my takeaways from the overhyped Barbie: (SPOILERS)

Ryan Gosling is my hero

Many of us already knew that Ryan Gosling had that dog in him, but this movie fully solidifies his status as one of the biggest studs of all time. After Ken (Gosling) and Barbie (Margot Robbie) leave Barbieland and experience the real world, Ken learns about the wonders of patriarchy and “being a man”. He quickly becomes infatuated with trucks, horses, and brewskis, which is all a guy truly needs. After turning Barbieland into “Kendom”, Gosling’s character becomes quite literally the most sigma male of all time. I mean this in the least misogynistic way possible, but life in “Kendom” seemed pretty frickin’ awesome, albeit a complete fantasy.

However, the lighthearted “Kendom” was quickly overthrown by what seemed to be thirty minutes of different characters complaining about how terrible it is to be a woman in today’s society. I’m all for equal rights – but if I wanted to listen to feminist rants I could just watch CNN for free. Ryan Gosling’s character made me proud of loving the simple things in life – trucks and brewskis – but Ken was evidently painted as a villain throughout a majority of the movie. I stand with Ken and his studliness. 

Who is calling Margot Robbie mid?

If anyone genuinely believes that Margot Robbie is “mid”, I’d love to see your definition of “hot”. I don’t think anyone could pull off that pink cowboy fit quite like Margot did in the movie. Ever since I watched The Wolf of Wall Street at the ripe age of thirteen, I have been madly in love with this woman. In fact, I don’t think I would’ve gone to see Barbie if she wasn’t cast as Barbie (Gosling as Ken helped too). 

By the end of the film, Margot Robbie’s “Stereotypical Barbie” character loses most of her stereotypical Barbie features, which makes her feel as though she isn’t perfect. While this is a good message for little girls struggling with their self-image, Margot Robbie is perfect. Even the narrator of the movie makes a comment about how Robbie probably isn’t the best person to demonstrate this point about beauty. So, to the trolls out there who claim her to be “mid”, please stop talking about my wife that way. 

What do I do now?

While I enjoyed the performances from both Gosling and Robbie in Barbie, I left the theater in a state of confusion. Barbie was clearly not intended to be some kids’ movie that parents throw on their TV to get a break from their toddlers. There obviously was a deeper message that the writers tried to drive home toward the end of the movie, but it was pretty lost on me. Maybe it’s because I’m a guy and never played with Barbie dolls growing up. However, I would still imagine that a movie with an obnoxious amount of feminist undertones would have some sort of clear “call to action” at the end. Rather, the movie finishes with a tongue-in-cheek joke about Barbie going to the gynecologist. 

What am I supposed to do with that? Once the movie finished, I was more inclined to get an arm pump so I can look like Ryan Gosling (who is absolutely cut in this movie, by the way) than change my perspective on society. As I said earlier, I’m an avid supporter of equality and I believe that discrimination in any setting is wrong. But, if your intention is to make the world a better place, maybe make that intention a little more clear?

Written by the godfather

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