As some of you may know from reading my blog about the COVID vaccine and its relation to the size of your penis, I am fully vaccinated. Today, that came up HUGE. My roommate tested positive for
AIDS COVID, and when I got the contact tracing call, I was told that I didn’t have to do the same fourteen-day quarantine that my roommates do. In fact, I don’t have to quarantine at all. Regardless of whether or not you believe in the vaccine, you can’t deny that’s an absolute dub. I felt my stomach drop to my nuts when I heard that I’d be stuck in my room until April 16th, but when I heard that my vaccination got me out of that, there was only one thing to say: thank God for medical marijuana.
Yes. Medical marijuana. That’s right. I owe my vaccination to the devil’s lettuce. Reefer. Ganja. Hemp. Loud. Cannabis. Hash. Dope. Mary Jane. Kush. Pot. Grass. You, my dedicated reader, may currently be asking, “How is it possible that weed is responsible for your vaccination?” Well, have no fear, for I am now going to explain.
I work at a medical marijuana dispensary outside Philadelphia, and medical marijuana dispensaries are essential. Working there granted me the fantastic status of a Phase 1A healthcare employee, which means that in January of this year I was offered the Moderna vaccine through my job. How freaking awesome is that? I get to deal drugs completely legally, and I get all juiced up with the anti-COVID shit! If anyone is having trouble getting ahold of a vaccine, I highly recommend getting employed at a dispensary near you because it’s a fantastic job, and you’ll be all set to become invincible to COVID.
I feel pretty bad that my roommates are stuck in their rooms for two weeks, but I feel so good that I am free to live my life. Do I, a part time worker for a medical marijuana dispensary, know that I was probably not the intended person for the vaccine to be given to so early? Yeah. But do I care even a little? No. I got totally bailed by having this, and I couldn’t be happier that I decided to get it for this exact moment. Thank you, medical marijuana, I owe you big time. I also love Jean Segura. Fucking extra-inning walk off. GO PHILS.