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The 7 Types of Guys Who Will Live on Your Floor Freshman Year

1. The Stoners

These guys are usually all pretty chill, but that’s mostly due to the fact that they’ve had four or five bong rips before you’ve taken your morning shit. They’ll take all precautions – towel under the door, windows open in the rooms, smoke detectors covered – but it never seems to matter as every day when you get back from classes there’s a fog outside one room and the whole floor smells like, well, weed. You’ll get along with them as long as you’re not an asshole who snitches to your RA.

2. The Recluses

After a couple truly awkward encounters with these fellas during orientation week, the only times you’ll see them are when they’re brushing their teeth before bed. Everyone kind of wonders if they even go to class, and some people will become concerned that no one can remember a time when you saw them use the shower. Differing from the stoners, they never come together to form one group. They all just stick to their rooms and enjoy their solitude until the semester ends. 

3. The Tag-Alongs

You feel bad for these kids because when everybody found their group in the first few weeks, they just weren’t around for whatever reason. It gets increasingly harder to feel bad, though, when they constantly follow you around in hopes of being included on your walk to take a piss at two in the morning. You do your best to include them when you go out to play football, but it gets real aggravating when you get halfway to a party that you did all the work to find and realize that they’ve been following you like they’re the stars of an episode of Miami Vice. Sooner or later, each of these guys will migrate into one group and you’ll be happy that you no longer have to worry about keeping them entertained.

4. The Regulars

This will be the average group of college guys. They’ll drink in excess every weekend, play video games together at night, and join intramural sports teams together. Nothing too crazy about them except for the one kid who gets real rowdy every weekend and whips his junk out to prank the rest of them (that’s me, I am the guy from the last sentence).

5. The Gamers

These kids are often confused with the recluses, but they’re actually interacting with one another – they’re just on opposite ends of the hall and talking through microphones. They don’t go out much and they rarely go to class, but every once in a while, you’ll stumble into their room piss drunk and be amazed at the way they are skull-fucking their opponents in Rainbow Six Siege

6. The Weirdos

These are the guys no one understands. It’s nothing against them, it’s just that they are beyond strange. I didn’t get these guys when I was a freshman, and you won’t get them when you’re a freshman. Just accept it now.

7. The RA

You may luck out as I did by having an RA who I could walk right up to and tell that I was drunk, and you might get screwed and have one that will be the biggest pain in the dick of your life. Best thing to do is try to get on his good side early, and then decide if you can be friends or if you should avoid him like a girl you’re pretty sure you heard had chlamydia.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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