The Best Pair of Boobs, According To Science

NYU just released the results from a scientific investigation seeking to find out what type of boobs are the most attractive and the results will shock you.

Researchers at New York University used a group of 1,021 people (52% women, I don’t know what percent lesbian) and showed them each a large set of tit pics. The photos depicted boobs of all different shapes and sizes, yet all sets of breasts belonged to women aged exactly 47 years old. The lucky participants then scored each pair of knockers on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the most attractive.

Results found that all breasts scored an average of 2.5 with the top five breasts averaging a score of 3.1. The research team — using survey questions, analytics, and science stuff — then concluded that out of all factors leading to different attractiveness scores, the biggest was *drum roll* nipple distance!

Yep, the distance between a woman’s two nipples is what sets a great pair of tits apart from just a good pair. Who would’ve thought? It’s not size, shape, or even color — just nipple distance. Apparently people like nipples to be close together. I didn’t even know that I like that, but according to science I do.

Now, the researchers did say that there were some limitations on this study, namely that the participants only got to see photos of the breasts and that viewing them in person could lead to different interpretations. As someone who watched a bunch of porn before ever getting to second base, I can confidently confirm this to be true. Tits in person are way better than on a screen.

While the researchers really hit the nail on the head with that limitation, I think there are few other things they left out. The first thing that comes to mind is that 52% of the participants were women. Sorry ladies, but I think us men know a perky pair when we see them. I mean seriously, the average score was 2.5. That’s insanity. Imagine you included men in a survey that judges good looking wieners. Obviously the numbers would be crazy low. I guarantee you the 48% of participants that were guys gave scores now lower than a 3.8 and that even includes gay dudes. You know why? Because guys love boobs. Any boobs and all boobs. That said, why did the study use 47-year-old boobs as the sample? I get that not all boobs are perfect, but by 47 basically no boobs are perfect. I feel like 25-year-old boobs are a perfect baseline, they’re in their prime, but not creepy for a participant over the age of 55.

Anyway, as I’ve always said, screw science. All boobs are great and women should be proud just to have a pair. Whether your nipples are touching or are light years away from each other, just know that as guys, we’re just glad you have them.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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