We call this one the missionary because there’s nothing special about it. They see each other a couple times during the week and usually end up together at the end of a night out, but they’re not all over each other when you’re with the pair. They can hang out in groups without making everyone else there want to kill themselves, and more than that, it’s usually a fun time. Make no mistake, being in a “missionary relationship” in the eyes of the outside world is a good thing. It means you don’t fucking suck.
The “Are they still?”
This is the relationship that you constantly have to ask someone, “Are they still together?” The answer is always yes, but there’s never a reason not to ask because you haven’t seen or heard from one of them in months. There’s no pictures together on Instagram, they don’t go on dates, and whichever one you’re friends with always seems to be hanging around you instead of with his or her significant other. It’s not the worst kind of couple that exists, but it’s by far the most surprising – simply because they never see one another.
When one of your friends has a long-distance relationship, it creates a weird dynamic. He likes to go out and you guys have a good time together, but he spends just as much time staying in to talk to his girl. When he is out, he’s just there to get drunk and have a good time with the fellas, which can be great, but you feel kind of bad when everyone ends up with somebody and he can’t even scoop up a five to be included.
The Attached at the Hip
They’re never not together, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you get a girl that can hang pretty well with the rest of the fellas, and therefore her being around is just expected and even encouraged. The dangerous side is when nobody like this chick, yet she refuses to spend any time away from your boy. This quickly turns into everyone figuring out ways to avoid her, and by extension, your boy because it’s just too much work to be around that bitch.
The Amber Heard
This is the girlfriend your buddy gets that’s just a horrible human being in every way imaginable. No one wants this girl around because she sucks in every way imaginable, and more than that, she’s a genuinely bad person who makes everyone around her miserable, including the guy she’s dating. No matter what you do, this kid won’t break up with her and it ends up being a major inconvenience to everyone else in the friend group.