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The Do’s and Don’ts of Partying

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If there is one thing I know about, it is partying, and over the years I have learned quite a bit about it, and I am here to tell you my secrets to help you have the best time of your life. 

Number 1, do pregame. Catching a little buzz before you make your way to the party is always a good move, and allows you to be nice, loose, and ready for a good time. Don’t pregame too hard. 13 shots of Jack Daniels and 4 jäger bombs is in fact too much to have during a pregame. People will look at you and be worried for you. Your “best” friend might even say “hey man, I think you should relax. This is going to be a chill night and I really don’t want a repeat of last time. I forgive you, but the others don’t and if you keep this up, I’m not going to be here for you anymore.” Of course, I am speaking from experiences that I have witnessed, this never happened to me. Definitely not me.  

Number 2, do dance. Let loose and let that body fly around to the beat of that basement speaker. Don’t just stand still alone in the corner of the concrete room like a creep. That’s weird and will make people uncomfortable. The last thing you want to overhear is a group of girls saying “this is the fourth week in a row that kid has been here just standing in the corner watching girls dance” “It’s making me uncomfortable” “He hasn’t moved the slightest bit in like 2 hours” “He doesn’t even have a drink in his hand” “Why does he look like a mannequin?” “That kid look’s like he wants to come up to me to talk to me, but doesn’t have the courage” Hearing these things out of the mouths of partying girls is incredibly scarring, not that I personally would know because I totally wouldn’t because again, I am speaking from experiences I have seen from friends and others that I party with. 

Number 3 and most importantly, do talk to that girl or guy. If they’re at the party, they more than likely want to be talked to or approached. Don’t shy out and not make a move, and when the party ends she starts to leave, and you follow her trying to build up the courage to go talk to her while you trail 15 feet behind her as she makes her way back to her apartment and goes inside and now you’re left on the sidewalk wondering what to do, but you watched Dead Poets Society three days ago so you remember to yourself “seize the day” so you walk up to her window and knock on it and she absolutely freaks out and of course a cop is patrolling that area at that exact moment and he puts his lights on and comes over to check out the situation and once the girl explains everything to him he takes you to the station for “stalking and harassing” and “disturbing the public” and months later you receive a “restraining order” all because you didn’t approach her at the party. Again, I am speaking on behalf of experiences that I have witnessed during my times of parties, none of this happened to me, that would be ridiculous. 

That’s all the tips I have for now, and I just want to reiterate that NONE of this happened to me at all. I am cool and I am hip. I know how to handle my liquor, I know how to move my body in ways that will catch the attention of a beautiful woman, and I know how to spit game.

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